This Love (Paige Bueckers)

48

march 11, 2025

"Paige!" Geno yells. "you need to put in full effort!"

"I'm trying coach!" I yell.

I run from the side of the court, dribbling the ball.

Geno has the team split in two for scrimmages. I'm playing like shit.

"you need to work harder!" he yells. "or Juju is going to absolutely destroy you this year!"

"I'm trying my best!" I scream.

I dribble up the court and shoot a step back. it bounces off the front of the rim.

"fuck!" I yell.

"Paige!" Geno yells. "Come on!"

"IM FUCKING TRYING!" I scream. "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE ME?! ALWAYS FEELING LIKE I HAVE TO BE FUCKING PERFECT! LIKE I CAN NEVER REST LIKE A NORMAL PERSON! IM SO SICK OF THIS! I CANT WAIT TO LEAVE!" I slam the ball into the ground before walking out.

you don't even understand how stressed I am. it's my last year at UConn and people are expecting me to win. because apparently in order to be good I have to win a national championship.

sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just disappeared. fell asleep and never woke up.

"Paige?" a soft voice says as the locker room door opens.

I turn around to see Iris.

"Geno sent me down here," she says. "what's going on?"

"I'm fine," I say. "just nerves about the tournament."

"I'm majoring in psychology, I know it's more than that."

"seriously," I assure, "I'm fine."

I'm really not. I just can't tell her that. she already has so much. I'm supposed to be the perfect one. I'm supposed to be the one who helps her. not the other way around.

"Paige," she sighs. "I know you're not."

I hold in tears.

"just talk to me baby," she sits down next to me on the bench.

"I'm just stressed." I break. "it's hard feeling like I can never have an off switch. like I always have to be perfect and make every shot."

"yeah," she says. she puts an arm around me.

"um," I stutter. "and sometimes I wish that I could just um." I stop.

"could what?" she asks with a serious tone.

"not wake up," I shrug. "I don't want to die, I just don't want to live like this forever. it's really hard."

"oh," she says.

"I know you probably don't understand, but-"

"I understand fully," she interrupts. "I grew up with the all time leading scorer. just know that you're not alone. you don't need to compress your feelings."

"I know," I whisper. "I just want a break. basketball feels more like a job than a sport. it's not as fun as it used to me."

"when was the last time it felt fun?" she asks.

I think for a second. "the final four last year," I answer. "I know we lost that game, but it was fun. it felt real. that whole season did. geno has just been working me so hard this year."

"he has," she says.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"what are you sorry for?" she asks.