Alina Kanaan

Chapter 31

"Humans can have only that for which they make effort." (Quran 53:39) 

My heart is beating heavily in my body. Tonight is the night Mason and I find out who won the competition. It is a special two-hour episode for everyone else watching at home, but for Mason and I, it feels like way longer than that. 

The two of us get ready to sing our duet onstage to start off the show. It's just a contemporary song. Both of us go onstage and immediately start singing. I actually feel extremely confident right now. I can do this!

The crowd claps and cheers after our performance. Cody walks up to ask each of us a couple questions.

"Are you guys nervous?" he asks. He hands the microphone to me first.

"Yes, very, but I will be happy with whatever happens," I smile. Then, Cody hands the microphone to Mason. 

"Same," he smiles and everyone laughs. Cody asks us some more questions and we answer them before we go to a commercial break. Mason and I hang out backstage since neither one of us perform for at least half an hour. 

"How are you holding up?" Mason asks me as we sit down on a lounge chair. 

"I'm doing a lot better than I was, alhamdulilah," I reply.

"Alhamdulilah. Everyone was worried about you for a while."

"Really?!"

"Yes. But I'm glad that you're fine now. What Aman did to you was beyond horrible," I look down to the ground. Pain makes waves through my body.

"I know, but it happened and done with. How are you doing being a Muslim?" I ask.

"Great, alhamdulilah! I love every second of it! I feel like everything is going to be okay, in sha Allah."

"In sha Allah. Well, I'm glad that you feel this way," We talk a little more until he has to perform.  

I feel beyond nervous, but then I make dua to Allah. 

"Ya rab, please have me win this competition. Please relieve me from my growing sadness. I don't want to go on living my life like this. I want to feel free and live to please You. I haven't done that lately. I'm sorry about the suicidal thoughts. Aman hurt me in a way that no one else could. I sincerely apologize and regret every bad thing that I have done," I say. I continue with it until I'm called up to perform. I become nervous again because I'm performing "Palestine Will Be Free" by Maher Zain. I had to fight the producers to let me perform this song.

"I don't know if it can be done," one of them told me a week ago. I stood my ground.

"I understand that this is an issue because the Israel versus Palestine war is viral. Plus, the American government supports Israel. I fully understand, but Palestine is my country. Palestine represents who I am. I don't want my identity taken away from me. I want to perform this song," I said, looking me straight in the eye.

The producer thought about it for a few moments.

"Okay, you can do it. I apoligize for wanting to take away your identity. It's just a very controversial issue and political situation."

"I completely understand. Thank you very much for letting me sing it."

Some of the music video from the actual song shows up first. It is of a little girl in her Palestinian school when rockets suddenly bomb the school and buildings around her. Everything has turned into dust and rubble in front of her eyes.