For the First Time

What Do We Do?

"Let's just remain calm here," Derek said while breaking the silence. "We don't know that anything is going to actually happen. Let's not jump to conclusions."

"The way we have been going, I might as well be knocked up," I said. I was still stunned by what happened. The first time we had sex that was the first thing we thought of was the condom. But this time it went completely over our heads.

"Let's not worry about it now though," Derek said. "We can cross that bridge when we get there." Derek leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Okay," I said while letting a slight smile appear on my face.

"Okay," he said back. He put his arm around me and we both fell asleep within a matter of minutes.

I woke up the next morning to my alarm clock. I turned over to find that Derek was no longer in bed. I got up and grabbed my robe and quickly went downstairs. I saw that the pizza mess from last night was cleaned up. I made my way into the kitchen to find a fresh pot of coffee and a note from Derek.

Hey Mer, I was paged in early this morning and you looked to comfortable to wake up. I have one scheduled surgery this morning, but hopefully we can catch up for lunch. Text me when you get to the hospital.

-Love, Derek xoxo

The note was sweet and I appreciated it. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 7:00 and I needed to be at the hospital at 8:00. I remembered that Derek brought me home last night so I didn't have a car. While I was upstairs getting ready I called a cab to come pick me up.

I arrived at the hospital around 7:45 and only had 15 minutes to get changed and get scrubbed in. Luckily I had my intern to do the pre operative care. I ran to the attending's lounge and quickly changed into a fresh pair of scrubs. I hung my clothes up in the closet and was on my way to the O.R. I looked down at my phone screen to see that I had 7 minutes to spare.

"Hey," a familiar voice said. I looked up from my phone realizing it was Derek. He was wearing his ferry boat scrub cap and his biceps bulged in his scrubs.

"Hey," I said leaning in giving him a quick peck on the cheek. A smile appeared on his face.

"I see you got my note this morning," he said. I nodded my head. "You heading down to the O.R.?"

"Actually, yes," I responded.

"Me too," he said. "I'll walk you down." We walked in silence while I was updating my patient's chart. We got down to the O.R.'s and I stood at the nurse's station.

"Do you mind?" I asked Derek while handing him my scrub cap.

"I'd be delighted to," he said with a smile. As I finished up dating my chart he tied my scrub cap on my head and gave me a quick kiss on the neck. "I gotta go," he said. I turned around and he kissed me on the cheek.

"Okay," I said. "See you after our surgeries."

"Try not to kill anyone Mer," Derek said jokingly.

"Right back at ya!" I hollered at him as he went down the hall. I glanced at the O.R. board and saw that I was in the O.R. 3. I made my way in that direction thinking about how the entire time this morning with Derek, the episode that happened last night. I scrubbed in and my patient was ready. It was a basic bowel obstruction procedure. 

In the middle of the procedure the patient's inter cranial pressure.

"Shit," I said.

"What is it Dr. Grey?" my intern asked. 

"He threw a clot in his brain and if we want him to live, we have to get it out!" I yelled. "Page Shepherd!"

"Dr. Grey he's in the middle of a craniotomy," the nurse said.

"We can't wait," I said. "Get me a craniotomy tray ready."

"You're going to evacuate the clot?" my intern asked.

"I'm a certified neurosurgeon too, I can do it," I said. I haven't done one in two years, but I had no time to wait for Derek. I cut the skull flap out of the patient and found the clot immediately. There was excess bleeding but I got that under control as well. "Let's not close up the patient. We'll wait for Dr. Shepherd to come and assess." I went back to take care of the bowel obstruction.

"What do we have?" Derek said coming into the O.R. 30 minutes later. 

"He threw a clot and I had to go in and get it out if we wanted to save him. I left him open for you to assess or see if you notice anymore damage," I explained. Derek stood at the head of the table.

"Dr. Grey, this is flawless," Derek said. "There's no damage to the frontal lobe, you got the entire clot, there is no excess bleeding. Some neurosurgeons can't even do this in the amount of time you did. Great work." I stood there smiling behind my mask. 

"Thank you," I responded. I looked down at the bowel and that part of the surgery was flawless. I let the intern close up and went to scrub out. Derek waited until I was done to leave the O.R. 

"Meredith, why did you even leave neuro?" Derek asked.

"Derek, we've been over this before," I said. I knew he knew why I left.

"I know why, but I just don't understand. You were flawless today, from the neuro aspect, and the general aspect. But why did you choose general over neuro?" he asked again.

"Like I said, I really didn't have anyone to learn under and everyone said it was my job to follow my mother's footsteps and become a general surgeon. I just felt if I was to choose neuro I would let my mother down," I explained. I dried off my hands and looked over to Derek who was doing the same. "Can we just drop the topic and go get some lunch?" I asked. 

"Of course," Derek said. We walked side by side in silence all the way to the cafeteria. He paid for my meal and we sat down. "You feeling okay?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, fine," I said with a little smirk.

"Do you want to talk about last night?" he asked. I honestly wanted to, but I didn't know how.

"I don't know, do you?" I asked.

"I mean we can't avoid it forever," he said. "So I mean, if you were to get pregnant, would you actually keep it or would you terminate the pregnancy?" 

"Way to start off with a hard question," I said sarcastically. "I mean I don't think I would have it in me to terminate it. I wouldn't be able to do it. Of course I would put your thoughts into consideration."

"Ultimately I'm fine with whatever you would choose to do. If we even get to that point," Derek said.

"...if we even get to that point," I sighed. I looked down at my food and realized I no longer had an appetite. Derek took my hand and brushed it with his thumb.

"We're going to be okay," Derek reassured me.

"We're gonna be okay," I repeated back at him. He leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips and we sat there making other conversation over lunch.

So I realize I haven't updated in almost three weeks, and I am completely sorry! Travel softball is over for the summer, which took up the bulk of my time, so I'm hoping to update more frequently. Enjoy!

xoxo, Molly