For the First Time

My Side of This Life

Derek's POV

I sat in the waiting room which seemed like forever. Meredith had been in surgery for almost seven hours now. My seat was sitting and facing the doors that shielded the O.R. from the outside world. You never realize how stressful it is being the family of the patient until you're put in that situation. I looked at my watch again realizing that this surgery has already taken longer than anticipated. I heard the opening of doors and quickly looked up to see that Richard, Swinder, and Bailey were all walking towards me. By the way they walked I felt that something was up. The three reached me and you could feel the tension rise.

"Sit down, Derek," Richard said. I did as he told and sat down while the three pulled up chairs around me. "Derek, we did every thing we could. But whenever we got in there, she was already too far gone, just like her mother." I sat there in silence.

"I began resecting the tumor, to only find that there was more of it growing underneath each organ, something that didn't show up on the scan," Swinder said. "We tried every thing in the books. But by the time that we got to the last part of the tumor, her heart had already taken enough. We tried and tried again but there was nothing we could do." Tears began to fill my eyes as I looked over at Bailey who already had tears running down her face.

"So," I stammered, "what you're trying to tell me is..."

"Meredith died at 10:47 P.M. Derek we did everything," Richard said. My face fell into my hands and the tears only came out harder. Most people say that men don't cry, but this was an exception. I felt Bailey come over ands sit next to me, trying to comfort me to the best of my abilities. 

I jolted, whenever I heard the bathroom door shut. I looked over at the clock and it read 3:23 A.M. Beads of sweat were running off of my forehead whenever I woke up from that terrible nightmare. Meredith's surgery was this afternoon and I was nervous. I got up and got a drink of water before going back into the bathroom for the fifth time tonight. The radiation and chemo really took a beating on Mer.

"Mer," I said as I knocked on the bathroom door.

"I'm fine," she mumbled. Not only did the radiation and chemo take a lot out of Mer, but the constant getting up and down and going to the toilet to vomit was a workout. I pushed the door open slowly to find Mer grabbing onto the sides of the toilet and what seemed to be her puking her organs out. I knelt on the floor next to her as I had done four times earlier this morning and began slowly rubbing her back in small circles. I put her hair up into a ponytail so we wouldn't have to pick out the chunks.

"You poor thing," I said as soothingly as possible. 

"Don't feel bad for me," Mer said as she leaned up against the wall. I stood up at the sink and got a cold wash cloth and held it up to her forehead which helped seem to calm her down. "I don't need you to pity me too."

"It's my job considering I'm your family," I responded. It felt weird to say that I was her family considering we only knew each other for the past three months. I had already had our life planned out the first night we met at the gala. She was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

"Here, let's get you back into bed," I said. She was too weak to get up on her own, and frankly she shouldn't be walking around either. "Put your arm around my neck," I said. She did as she was told and I scooped her up. She put her nose into the crook of my neck which was comforting to me. I laid her down in the bed and made sure all of her lines were untangled.

"Lay with me," she said softly. She scooted over so there was just enough room for me. I climbed in and began stroking her hair with hand while rubbing my other hand up and down her back. Her breaths seemed forced, like the chemo had taken away her right to breathe.