Worth The Fight ✓

Chapter Thirty Five

QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader."
― Robert Frost

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CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Everything has a beginning as well as an end. It is foolish to believe that it's going to last forever or reborn. At least I stopped believing in forever when I saw the look on Calvin's face that day when he cleaned my bruises for the last time. When we met, he told me that he is interested in medicine-shocking that I remember-and I do know he's going to be so successful in that. But this isn't the matter. I wish he could fix hearts, no matter what and even if they broke themselves, and hand them back as a brand-new one.

When I was a kid, I believed in powers. That everyone has them one way or another; some had the ability of amazing cooking, good grades and normal stuff like that when some could make people happy, or sad, with a single word or smile. Authors had one of the greatest powers for me. And lastly, my power was invisibility.

I managed to use it until I met Calvin-it was like suddenly the high walls I built around myself started to fade away. Someone noticed me, even when I pushed him, he kept coming back at me. After him, I started to become visible to anyone and everyone. To my family, who had spent a great deal of years avoiding me at their best; to my school friends who liked to believe that I was a villian and even to Richard, who was the bully that liked to punch me.

A golden boy, who decided to kick into my life and changed it for good, left it as swift as he came in. And I let him come and go without any arguments. When I think about it, letting him in was one of the most reckless things I've ever done. I have never trusted someone as much as I trusted him but he has never broken my trust either. I was so afraid to be attached, to love and he suddenly became everything I could ever think of. His face, his words, his sister, his family. Everything that has been his had started to be mine. It was tiring at first, trying to keep up with someone who was as genuine as him. I was messed up, had problems with life in general and bringing Calvin into them seemed so dangerous-it was like I was scared of him to get dirty in them instead of them getting clear with him. I never believed he could fix anything.

Yet he fixed everything.

That is why, when he left, everything turned to be the same - as if he has never existed and fixed them at all. But I am never the same. I am no longer Jack who is tough, reckless and strong. I am not Jacqueline who is broken, vulnerable and insecure, either. I'm in-between, probably more damaged than Jacqueline but weaker than Jack. I didn't realise I let him in a way that he made me take off my guard and all my castles had been demolished when he left.

It wasn't his fault, but it wasn't mine either. There are some mistakes that both had made but somehow, I now see, it wasn't about the faults either. Our love, or whatever it is, wasn't-isn't-strong enough to save itself.

It makes me question if there is anything to be said or saved at all.

However, I agree to go to prom with Richard. Not because I am dying to help him or because I want to see how Calvin is doing. I agree to attend the prom because of the aforementioned reason - I want to see if there is anything left to be saved.

If it was up to me, I would go with a plain dress but my mother insisted the day should be special as it already is. So we go shopping-she picks up a dress-and purchase everything that she wants me to wear. Dress, jewelry and shoes. I don't fight it; I am going to leave soon anyway, I wanted to make her happy at least once.

The dress she picks up for me looks stunning. Not my style or colour but it looks really beautiful and appropriate for a graduation prom. It is light blue-not definitely my colour-long and has a ribbon on its belt. It has an innocent cleavage, which my mother prefers to match with a necklace that hangs between my collarbones, and its sleeves cover my upper arms. It accentuates my curves and I definitely look well in it. But I don't feel it. I won't feel it even if it's the best dress in the world anyway.