In Need Of A Definition

Chapter Seven [Pic of The Twins]

I’ve been in this stupid bed for a week now. I can’t even move by myself, I actually feel like a cripple. As much as I wanna get out of this bed, I can’t help but keep thinking where will I go after here. I mean, my mum tried to kill me, my dad keeps telling me I’m overreacting and well my brother, the only person who would’ve been there for me in a heartbeat is dead. In a way this hospital is my home at the moment, at least I get food and a bed to sleep in.

It’s funny how I was wishing someone would save me and now that I have been ‘rescued’ I just wish I could go back. Sounds crazy, but think about it. Yeah I had that fear of always coming close to death but never really dying. I faced physical, emotional and mental abuse every single day of my life. But at least I had a home. I had somewhere to stay; I had food and my own bed to sleep in. Now I have nothing. Nothing but this bright white hospital room that I know I will have to leave soon. Back to that nothing.

The police came by this morning; they finally got a chance to speak to me. Traevon refused to let them see me all week; he told them I needed my rest. He only just left last night after I practically had to beg him. This boy bare got Shad and Isaiah to bring him some clothes. I can’t believe he stayed with me all this while. I really needed him and he was there for me, I’ll honestly never forget that. I wanted him to stay longer, but he needs to get a good night sleep without my screaming in the middle of the night, stupid nightmares. Not to mention all the school he’s missing, I don’t know how his parents let him get away with it. I can’t even talk to him about it, he always changes the subject.

Anyway, the police came by and basically kept asking me questions like I had energy for it. The just kept talking, I wasn’t even listening. I already have no respect for police officers after they couldn’t even find the person that killed my brother. Useless pricks!

“Your mother has been admitted to Bethlem Royal Hospital, after being diagnosed with Posttraumatic stress disorder and Bipolar disorder,” that caught my attention. I looked up at the two police officers. They looked at me with pity, argh I hate when people look at me like that and that’s all I seem to get nowadays.

“I’m afraid there won’t be a court case due to her mental disorders” the male one said.

“She is constantly asking for a person called Marcel,” the female one said “Do you know anyone by that name Miss?” Are you fucking serious? They’ve forgotten already!

“What the fuck do you mean?!” I shouted at them “That’s my fucking brother that was randomly killed in broad fucking daylight and you couldn’t find the prick that killed him. That’s my fucking brother that was all over the news and everyone was talking about one second and now you’re asking me if I know who that is. Are you fucking dumb? The only person that cared about me was killed for no fucking reason and now you want to fucking come here and ask me who he is. How can you fucking forget? How dare you fucking forget? Why the fuck do you even wear this fucking badge? You useless pieces of shit! A week! Just a fucking week! That’s how long it took for you to give up trying to find who did it! At least he got his 15 fucking minutes of fame init! Now no one gives a shit anymore! Now you think its ok to fucking ask me this shit, you inconsiderate pricks!” I was crying by now. How can you come here and ask me that after you couldn’t even do your job.

“We’re sorry for your loss miss.” They both said at the same time like it was rehearsed.

“You’re fucking sorry? What the fuck am I going to do with your fucking sorry?!” they both stared at me “Whenever I needed you lot you always fuck up! You fucked up when my brother was randomly shot dead! You fucked up for 6 years when I was constantly being abused! And now you’ve fucked up again! You can’t even punish her for what she did. She was fucking fine when she was cutting me, stabbing me, punching me, slapping me all because she felt like it. She was fine when she constantly made me feel like a dead rat on the street, but now she has a fucking mental disorder. I don’t give a shit about your sorry so you can stick it up your fucking ass where your head always seems to be. Walking around like you’re so much better than everyone else, when you cant even fucking do a simple job. Just get the fuck out!Go home to your fucking happy families and I’ll stay in this fucking bed because I have no fucking home to go to now because you couldn’t fucking do you job!” I turned my head as angry tears continued to roll down my cheeks. They finally left when they realized I wasn’t planning to say anything else.

I stared into space and just thought about everything, I haven’t had time to just think to myself in ages. Traevon has just always been there since what happened. Not that I don’t appreciate his support, but I just need some time to myself. Most of the time I hate being by myself at times like this but I think its time I just think. I can’t keep faking my happiness and ignoring all the things that happen to me.

I need to be by myself for a while, just me time…

The sound of the door opening interrupted my thoughts, who’s that now? I looked up to see a middle aged white woman walking towards me smiling. Erm okay? Do I even know you though? I looked up at her confused and she just kept smiling, does it look like I’m in a good mood?

“Hi Naveah, I’m Karen Maisey,” she said still smiling “I’m your social worker” Why do I need a social worker? I can take care of myself I don’t need this shit right now.

“Why are you here?” I said with a straight face. She sighed and walked closer to me sitting on the chair beside me.

“Well I’m afraid after what happened to you, we have to take care of you now,” I interrupted before she could continue.

“I don’t need you,” I stated “My dads coming, I’m not some black stereotype child without a father” I kissed my teeth and she just laughed.

“Child, stop being so defensive,” she smiled “I know you have a dad and I’ve been trying to get in touch with him since this whole thing happened, but he just wont answer my calls.”

A single tear rolled down my cheek. He won’t even speak to her, I thought at least if an adult spoke to him he would listen but he honestly doesn’t care.

“Don’t worry hunny,” she looked at me sympathetically “I’ll make sure you’re taken care of before we can find you some foster parents for you, I’m sure anyone would love to adopt you.” she smiled.

I sighed and wiped my cheek. “Fine.” I turned away and closed my eyes holding back the tears.

“I’ll be back to pick you up next week hun.” She sighed standing up and walking towards the door. “Don’t push people away hun, you’re gonna need them sooner or later.” and with that she left.

I can’t take this anymore I think its time I just be alone. All this disappointment is killing me I need some time alone. I called the nurse in. “You alright dear?” she asked

“Been better,” she’s the nurse that has been kinda looking after me this past week, shes been really nice. Shes been more of a parent to me this past week, than my biological parents have been my whole life.

“Can you please not let anyone else come see me please,” she interrupted me.

“Oh come on dear, you don’t want to isolate yourself at this time,” she shook her head. “You need all the support you can get right now, stop pushing people away.”Her and her speeches man gosh!

“I’m not I just need to be by myself for a while.” She just sighed and nodded walking out.

Maybe this time by myself is what I need.

Sooo…..

Sorry fo the delay peope, i'll try to make the next one longer

Tell me what you think... and i just felt to put up a better picture of the twins [Shad & Isaiah]

Next one out on Thursday!

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Love Ya’ll <3 xx