2 weeks and ain’t life a bitch, still isolating, no one gets in EVER. No one sees or hears my cries at night, no one knows of the pain in my heart that I’ve surrounded by the strongest bricks and most permanent cement possible. I haven’t tried in any way to make it seem that I’m seeking attention because that’s just not me so I stayed by myself as much as possible. It’s not as easy as it sounds with me having to be in that stupid cast for so long. Having to depend on people to help me to bath and do simple things like walk down the stairs to the dinner table. I was so grateful when I finally got them taken off on Saturday, my independence back. I stared at the scar that was now imprinted on my thigh and felt nothing. No pain, no tears. At least that was I made sure everyone else thought, no one needed to know that this simple scar would remind me for the rest of my life the of the pain I had been put through. The day my own blood mother tried to kill me, the day that made me completely cut off from the world. The day I officially lost all the family I had and realized that unconditional love is nothing more than a fantasy that I will never dream of again. Never letting myself get to that vulnerable place again, never letting Angel take control. Show No Emotion … Feel No Pain.
It took me a while to get the normal feeling back in my leg, but I soon got used to it again. This meant I was able to do things by myself again, no more depending on people for anything. I looked into the mirror as I stared at myself in my school uniform, it felt weird after being away from school for so long. I shrugged off the weird feeling I got and grabbed my hand bag walking out of my room. I bumped into Kiara *sigh* this bitch. Swear down she’s gonna get me mad, she’s too damn rude always tryna be funny like everyone don’t already know that she opens up her legs for every boy that just looks at her. Always tryna act fucking innocent, dumb Paigon!
“Watch where you’re going man!” she shouted kissing her teeth. I just looked at her up and down in her overly short skirt, then her tight school shirt and her now overly made up face. Never judge a book by its cover, the first time I saw her she seemed sweet and innocent, but now she’s like a little fly that just won’t die or go away. I didn’t need to say anything, in the two weeks I’ve been here I’ve been known for my ‘intense eye tag’ that’s what they called it. I don’t screw her but my eyes say everything they need to, no more, no less. She turned around looking defeated as I continued the door towards the bus stop.
I got to the bus stop waiting, I got that feeling that someone was staring at me but I ignored it. I stared ahead, my mind stayed blank as did my face. If I thought about anything right now I would break down and I’m in public, I cant afford to let my guard down. I felt a presence sit beside me, I kept my gaze straight ahead. Headphones in, out in my own world where no one else is permitted.
“Skillz.” His deep voice echoed through my whole body. I was wondering what his name was, but right now I can’t let my guard down, especially to a guy named ‘Skillz’. I saw him hold his hand out for me to shake but I kept my gaze forward, he chuckled, pulling my earphones out “You still ain’t gonna chat to me init?” argh go away. I kept my straight face and looked ahead as my bus pulled up round the corner.
“You’re gonna have to speak soon you know,” he said as I got up “At least you’ve got commitment init.” He turned around walking to the bus behind mine. I looked towards his direction to find his gaze still on me, I quickly looked away and got on my bus. I don’t need him, I mean this is starting to seem really stupid to me, but I’ve just gotta see how it goes init. I walked onto the bus scanning my oyster and sat downstairs at the back window seat. I don’t have the energy to listen to crazy school kids upstairs. I watched as the bus, moved, seeing little kids with their parents on their way to school. I remembered when that used to be me, happy and surrounded with love, being able to be so carefree and confident. I remember when I would run out of school to my mum because I missed her so much. I would get so happy because having half day meant I could be with my mummy and daddy longer. Now I have no idea what that felt like, sure I remember the details and the emotion I felt, but I cant remember what that emotion felt like.
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In Need Of A Definition
ספרות נוערNaveah Angel Brooks is just another teenager. But she's lost, at that stage where she is trying to find who she is. So many people are pulling her back and making her feel worthless. A story of a young girl searching for the definition of her life.
