Partners In Crime (lietpol/Poliet)

Bonus chapter

Update: Major trigger warning I wrote this chapter at a very young age before I knew it was wrong to write a suicide or attempted suicide actually happening or screen/page. If you have or in the past have had suicidal thoughts do not read this chapter the other bonus chapters are much more light hearted skip to those thank you

So do you guys remember Chapter 13? The one where Feliks tells his story about why he tried to commit suicide? Here it is from Feliks's 3rd person limited PoV

Feliks stared at the bottle of pills, heart racing. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. He'd thought about it for hours.

First he wondered if he could stab himself through the heart with a knife. No, that wouldn't work. Feliks didn't think he was brave enough to go through with that.

He could hang himself. But what if the cord broke? What then?

He could jump off the roof of his house. But then his body would be a bloodied mess. Besides, his house was only a single story in the first place.

He could electrocute himself. He'd plug something into the outlet and the fill the bath and then... But his parents might hear the water running.

He could swallow a bunch of pills. Yes.

...

What was the point of this anymore anyway? His parents hated him, he didn't have many friends. Hell, even Liet didn't love him. Feliks's eyes burned with tears. He was worthless, hated, stupid.

But did he really want to do this? It would hurt Liet, he knew this, and he didn't want Liet to ever get hurt. Still, with the Pole gone, Liet would have a burden off his shoulders.

It would help everyone if I just didn't exist.

It was dark, but Feliks's eyes had adjusted enough to be able to see his close surroundings. Feliks quickly grabbed the bottle of pills and twisted the top off.

More doubt crept into him. How did he come to this? He was like so totally fabulous. Keyword: was.

Did being gay really change all that much? Feliks remembered the occasional hate comments on his video. His parents' horrified expressions when he'd come out to them. Liet's undeniable disgust at the simple prospect of the Pole flirting with him.

Without thinking twice, Feliks grabbed a handfull of pills and swallowed them dry, gagging as they pushed their way down his throat. His heart pounded faster. Feliks dumped a few more pills into his open palm, swallowing them as well.

By the time Feliks swallowed the entire bottle, the doubt came back and startled encircling him again. What have I done?

I'm so selfish...

Feliks clenched his teeth. He was half tempted to stick a finger down his own throat and vomit up the pills. But what then? How could he face his parents after what they'd said to him? How could he live knowing that he'd let everyone close to him down?

So Feliks sat. And waited. He didn't want to write a letter. If he did, it would just make his parents and Liet feel bad. He was dying because no one wanted him, not because he wanted their grief.

Ten minutes ticked by. Feliks didn't feel any different. The Pole was growing anxious, fear wrapping it's icy claws around him.
Why weren't the pills working?

Will I die slowly and painfully?

Will I live?

If I live will I just be really messed up for the rest of my life?