Hiding Behind The Music - Lilly's Soundtrack

Hiding Behind The Music - Chp 15 [You Found Me]

"Where were you, when everything was falling apart?/All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang/And all I needed was a call that never came/To the corner of 1st and Amistad." - The Fray - You Found Me

“Once upon a time.” Kate teased a couple hours later after Hayden had left, with hot chocolates in amongst the sheets.

Kate had found me huddled in my doona strumming on my guitar lost in thought. She’d bought in hot chocolate and apparently it was story time. She’d crept into bed with me, our shoulders touching and our hot chocolates nestled safely in our hands. I couldn’t help but think of Sonny as I stared down at the warming mug.

“So where was I since last time?" She asked in thought, I didn’t interrupt her train of thought. “Okay, this…” she began slowly “This will be a touchy area, so slow and steady.” She coached herself.

I reached up and touched my necklace. I hadn’t taken my necklace nor my bracelet off, the sheer thought of either warmed me and made me feel connected to both of them. A feeling of love, the feeling of being wanted. A sign that right now I wasn’t abandoned but rather rescued.

“I was sixteen,” she began. My stomach instinctively lurched and coiled and I instantly back and forth on the chain, a force of habit now once anxious or in thought. “I was just getting noticed in the music career and Hugo had noticed me and signed me on.”

I could almost hear my jaw drop in shock “Wait, Hugo? How old is he?” I asked stunned.

She smiled weakly “Late thirties, early forties.” she explained, “He’s a great believer in plastic surgery and hair dye….the twenty year old females don’t notice a thing that way.”She extended with a grimace. I screwed my nose up in return.

“So sixteen?” I said bringing the topic back around.

She nodded her eyes distant and she re-lived on it all, I knew this was as hard on her as it was going to be for me because right now I was going to get the answers I always wanted. “My than at the time boyfriend Jarrod White….we were extremely ga-ga for one another. Head over heels in love, nothing else like it.” She said her eyes glistening with tears as she reflected the hurt already in her voice. But I didn’t take much notice I was already too absorb into this Jarrod White guy, was he my father? “I found out a month later afterwards when I was late…my cycle. I….I didn’t tell anyone for quite some time. Literally no body, I just thought and hoped it would just all go away. That was until I literally realized I couldn’t hide a belly. I admit I had no idea what I was going to do but I'm literally dead against abortion.” She said her eyes fierce with truth and determination. “My mum knew something was going on…” she said softly “And one day I cracked, and my mum was there.” She said her appreciation and love towards her mum, my grandmother, clear. “Mum instantly jumped into action, dad had trouble accepting his little girl wasn’t…well so little.” I nodded agreeing; Garry would strangle me…and remove all manhood to the block who got me knocked me up.

Sixteen the age just kept going around and around I was eighteen and a virgin. True these days on the news and tabloids you hear of thirteen year olds being mothers but to my ears sixteen was way too young, the sound of being thirteen made me want to cry. I felt sympathy for not only the child but the mother, the families affected, the father. Everyone. True, all circumstances are different. But sixteen?

“My family was great, Daniel was so protective. In the end I quit school and began to be homeschooled we claimed it was because travelling for music to find a record company made it hard to attend school and being homeschooled was easier. Gossip back home in our area was high and….religion too. I didn’t want my family to be shunned and turned on also, I tried my hardest to keep peace and keep all hushed.” She said breathlessly. “My parents didn’t pressure me with what they thought I should do. I wasn’t even sure, as clichéd as it sounds I wanted best for you.” She said smiling weakly as she looked at the pattern on my doona, tracing it. “All was up to me….until Hugo.” She said, as much as she tried she didn’t hide the bitterness in her tone. “When h found out he went crazy with rage. He said I should have told him sooner, he insisted an abortion and I put my foot down ferociously and besides it was too late. It wasn’t until I threaten to fire him as an agent that he came around and cooled down. He became nice…and real supportive. He took me to speak to females…females that had kept their child although their upbringing wouldn’t be…nice. I met them and they shared their stories.” She sniffled softly no tears shed, yet. “He sat me down and explained that I should fly overseas; Australia, to have the baby, you, ad put you up for adoption. Out of the media’s eyes and also giving you a more fulfilled life. He explained how I’d be travelling constantly and I wouldn’t be able to be a real mother, ever.”