Hiding Behind The Music - Lilly's Soundtrack

Hiding Behind The Music - Chp 16 [There For You]

"Sometimes I'm selfish fake/You're always a true friend/And I don't deserve you/'Cause I'm not there for you/Please forgive me again" - Flyleaf - There For You

The next day I cancelled on Hayden with a short blunt text. Reality had sunk back in and I was realizing how idiotic I had truly been for hanging out with Hayden, for letting my guard down. I couldn’t let anything happen. I couldn’t let myself fall even more for him. I didn’t want to be hurt. So I pushed him away. Pure and simple. I was so angry at myself for letting my guard down, for allowing the chance to be torn apart again. I knew that if something miraculously even happened between us in the end he’d leave, I couldn’t allow that. I wouldn’t.

That morning mum crawled into bed beside me and got under the covers her arms wrapping around me, she just held me in the silence and that’s all I really needed.

“I don’t get it.” I whispered as she sat her face in the crook of my neck her sweet scent a lullaby to me as I broke the silence what felt like hours later. “I-I don’t let people in, ever. Yet here I am risking it. What’s happening to me?” I whispered voicing my frustration at myself, my fear.

She kissed my hair and then my cheek as she ran her fingers through my hair “Maybe your heart is learning that you can’t be happy with a shield.” She whispered softly.

I didn’t speak. Instead I let her words sink right in. her words made sense; these couple weeks have been the happiest days of my life because I had no barrier, just like I'm happy with Sonny because I am my true self around her. Did that mean that I was going to live a miserable life if I kept a shield up to Hayden and others? Probably, but I’d be more miserable once I was abandoned by them.

It was silent for a long, long time but I didn’t care because I was where I always wanted to be; my mother’s arms.

“Now.” She whispered breaking the silence as she kissed my cheek again “I got out of all today’s jobs, Hugo has been giving me more work than usual and were on a break for Christ sakes.” She laughed humorlessly. “So it’s a day of just you and me, so out of bed baby.” She said pulling back the covers.

♫

I spent the entire week with mum; sightseeing, shopping, surfing lessons, drives and just plain girl times. It was brilliant; I was smiling and bonding with my mum, making up for lost time. She had moments when she was called away for jobs yet it didn’t bother me so much as it allowed me to share some one on one time with Vida.

Mum crept into my room at the end of the week, it was dark outside and she’d just got back from some errand. She sat on the bed as I sat my guitar aside. She studied it looking at the inscription on the guitar that read; Vida. “What does it mean?” she gestured.

“It’s Spanish, it means life.” I explained.

She smiled truly intrigued “Why Spanish?” she asked.

“Because the ma I bought it off was Spanish and all he’d say in Spanish was “Music is life, it is life.” And he was right; music is life.” I said smiling at one of the happiest days of my life.

My vibrating phone broke the silence and I ignored it pretending to be more interested on Vida’s strings. Mum watched me intently as if reading me but I ignored both. I knew who it was; Hayden. I had been ignoring him since I cancelled, I’d ignored all calls and texts and I planned to keep it that way as long as possible until eventually I couldn’t ignore him. I was bound to have to face him sooner or later, hopefully by than he’d get the hint.

Mum sighed heavily “I'm going to give you my first mother to daughter advice baby.” She said reaching out for my hand and looking me right in the eyes. “Don’t be like me, don’t follow in my footsteps.” She whispered kissing the top of my head.