Where's the good in goodbye?

to do list

Jackson was so beautiful when he was asleep.

He looked so peaceful and untouched. Innocent even. Most of all though, it was impossible to tell that he was dying. He didn't look sick, he just looked tired.

He's been here for 2 days now and this is the first time he's properly slept. As for me, well I hadn't had a wink. The doctor came in earlier and said that he could go home tomorrow, he also advised that Jackson should consider chemo again but there is no changing his mind. I'm not mad at him for not taking treatment, he just... Honestly I think he's given up. I keep reminding him that 50% cancer patients survive but he keeps reminding me that 50% don't.

He has a notebook beside him at all times that is now almost full with all the things he wants to do before....he's gone.
1. Meet Harry Styles
2. Marry Sophia Young in a drive through in Las Vegas.
3. Move into my own apartment with Sophia Young
4. Watch the Northern Lights.
5. Go to a one direction concert
6. Go skinny dipping.
7. Tell all the people I secretly despise how much I hate them.
8. Go to Disney land and collect every single autograph possible (Amd buy Mickey Mouse ears)
9. Go on a lads road trip
10. Break the law
And finally....
11. Do the impossible,  Beet Cancer.

" How long have I been asleep ?"
Jackson startled me as he leant forward in the bed. His eyes were pulled to his note book that I was holding.

" Pretty cool huh? Its called my 'to do' list. Every dream that I have ever had is written in this book. "

I give him a plain smile and stare at my feet. He lets out a small sigh and takes my hand.

" Why you? Why not some phyco killer who murders people for fun? Why cant they suffer?" I have to hold back my tears, I don't want him to see me cry but as always they  find a way to escape. He wipes my face with the edge of his thumb.

" Did you know that Cancer is the most stupid disease? Take ebola for example,  it infects its host and then makes sure to spread itself around by coughing, sneezing and bleeding so that when its victim is dead, it can still grow and live.
On the other hand, cancer spreads and infects the host but has no way of ecaping its victim so when its host dies, it dies to."

This made me smile a little, the way he was so light hearted about it all, as if him dying was no big deal. But there was one question in my mind that had remained unanswered and I couldn't keep it in any longer.

" Why aren't you taking chemo? And no bull shit this time about how you want to live because we both know that it was just an excuse to shut your parents up."

He gave me an in umcomfterble smile and a weak nod, his hand gripped mine tighter.

" Everything happens for a reason. If it's my time to go then why fight destiny? "

His answer was perfect, honest and truthful, I liked that.

We spent the next few hours talking, ovoiding the topic of Cancer, which was hard as I had so many questions.
Finally he fell asleep again, leaving me to pack all of his things for the next day.