If Only For A Little While

What a nighmare

Levi

I flung open the door of mine and Eren's cell and kicked my shoes at a wall. I began pacing the small space angrily and raking my fingers through my hair. My breathing had grown rapid and shallow. I sat down on my bed and set my head in my hands in an attempt to control my sporadic breathing.

"God I'm such an idiot," I grumbled aloud to myself. I stood up and began pacing again. It'd been only a few hours earlier that I'd realized my feelings for the boy and instead of making things right I'd only made it worse. I groaned and collapsed onto my bed, covering my eyes, hiding my shame.

I loved him. There was no denying that. I loved Eren with every once of my being. He'd confessed to loving me too but a part of me still refused to believe that was true. After all I was just an old man. Women had come onto me in the past so I wasn't exactly bad looking, but Eren wasn't my normal type. For one he's a boy 14 years younger than myself. Was my being in love with him pedophilia?

Shit! I shot up into a sitting position. A cold sweat had broken out over my skin. I'd fucking molested the kid, I was a pedophile! I moaned and took the pillow off the bed and attempted to suffocate myself with it.

Technically he'd asked for it, right? I mean after his wide-eyed confession how could I have resisted? Plus it was an attempt to teach him a lesson, let him know that he only wanted me because being with an older man was exciting. In a way of been protecting him, right?

That doesn't change how the police would look at this. I rubbed the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger. How'd I gotten tied up in all of this?

If Eren did in fact love me, does that mean he really doesn't see my age as an issue? I mean he is young after all and very good looking. With those beautiful eyes of his he could have and girl -or boy- eating out of the palm of his hand. "What made him fall for an old man like me?" I mumbled to myself.

Did he see a future with me? Did he see me as anything more than something to do? I closed my eyes and imagined what it'd be like to have someone like him to come home to every day. My little wife. I smiled at the thought. Cute.

I sighed and laid down. There was no point daydreaming about something that couldn't ever be. Even if he wasn't a boy, dating a student was out of the question.

Still, maybe just this once I'll dream of him.

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"Please come back!" I called out to the boy slipping further and further from my hold. I don't think he heard me, that or wasn't acknowledging me.

I watched as he ducked behind a large dumpster, so I couldn't see him.

"Eren! I know you're back there! Stop running from me!" I called out to him, hurt leaked through my voice as I ran to catch up with him.

Why was he running from me? Did he not love me anymore? Had he ever? These questions swirled around in my mind, muddling my perception of the situation.

When finally I reached the dumpster I crouched down behind Eren to catch my breath. "Boo," I whispered softly.

He jumped at the sound of my voice and lurched away, falling against the grimy wall of the alleyway. "S-stay away!" He cried.

My heart shattered in my chest, "Is that what you want?"

"Y-yes." He stammered

"Okay," I murmured, "I'll go, but only if you can tell me why you want me gone."

"W-what?" He choked.

"You heard me," My voice barely escaped my lips. It was as if it was being held down with so much emotion it couldn't leave my mouth, "Why should I go?"