Afraid to Love

Chapter 19

Harry's POV

Jenna's door slams and I look over at Christina and she shrugs.

"She's just emotional Harry don't take it to heart" she says and I turn and look at the empty hallway that Jenna just ran threw, running from me, running from affection.

How could I not take it to heart, what the fuck did I do? I didn't cause her dad to walk in! I didn't force the cruel words from his mouth, if anything I tried to give her re assurance yet she walks away from me like I'm to blame?

I walk down the hall to her door and try to open it and it's locked.

I knock and she ignores it so I knock again "Jenna open up.." I pause and she doesn't respond.

I lean against her door "Come on Jenna are you seriously going to ignore me? All I tried to do was comfort you and now I'm in shit? I didn't do anything wrong"

The door shoots open causing me to lose my balance but I catch it before I fall thankfully.

"You didn't do anything wrong?!" She shouts.

"You seriously think you didn't do ANYTHING wrong?" She stares at me like I'm the biggest idiot in the world.

"No" I flatly state because it was true, I hadn't done anything wrong.

"You've done everything wrong, I constantly tell you I'm not ready to trust again and you claim you understand and then you.. You make me feel things!"

"So it's my fault that you like me?"

"I don't like you!" She shouts waving her arms in the air but her argument isn't convincing. She slams her door and paces over beside her guest bed.

"You don't like me? Bullshit! I wasn't forcing myself on you when you kissed me at the party, and I definitely didn't make you tug my shirt off last night, you're into me just admit it" I can't believe she's trying to deny it.

"It was your fault that I did that stuff! My dad is right! I've spent too long repairing myself from last time, do you know how horrible it was Harry? How many sleepless nights I spent crying, the fucking rumours that were spread about me, I couldn't go to the fucking grocery store without people looking at me or calling me a whore! I went into a depression that I'll probably always slightly have! I'm damaged beyond repair and I can't have anything or anyone tearing me down again! So yeah you have done something wrong! You're forcing me to care for you when I don't want to, you have to understand.. I think I'm going to have to stay at the hotel with my dad afterall, you're toxic for me Harry and you need to be with someone who can love you like you deserve." She's fighting tears but trying her hardest to mask her emotions as she sits on the bed.

"I'm not going to be tearing you down Jenna, why would I do that to somebody I love"

She laughs, like literally head back in laughter until she looks at me wide eyed.

"Wait you're serious?"

"Harry don't kid yourself you don't 'love' me"

I take a seat next to her "I am falling in love with you.. I know you're scared I'm going to hurt you Jenna but I'm not like Calum, I would never do anything to hurt you, why would I do that to someone as brilliant as you? Someone who cares so much for other people, someone who gets so thrilled just from looking at the changing leaves, someone who pretends to like the sandwiches you make to spare your feelings, someone willing to face their fear of heights to go on the ferris wheel with you because you want to, someone who is undeniably and insanely gorgeous but doesn't know it.. There's no way I could ever intentionally hurt someone as amazing and perfect as you. I know you are scared to trust me and to open up to me, but if you give me the chance I can prove to you that not every man is as cold hearted and disgusting as Calum. I love every goddamn thing about you Jenna and I would do anything to have you trust me enough to show you love."

"I..I don't know"

"Seriously! There I go pouring my heart out to you again and you still 'don't know'"

"How am I supposed to not worry! For all I know you could be trying to use me!"

"Jenna" I say and place my hand on her lap and she flinches slightly but calms and makes no attempt to move my hand, "not every man how shows you affection is planning on using you, does it really sound like those are my intentions? All I want is the chance to prove how much I care for you."

"Unless of course you don't feel the same way.." I add to my plea and hope that isn't the case.

She lets out a sigh before trying to form her feelings into words for me to understand. "I.. Ok how do I say this" my heart sinks and I know I have no chance.

"Every time I look at you I see the popular Harry Styles, the one who gets invited to parties and doesn't have to worry about making friends when he moves across the world, the guy who girls like Rachel hang off of and throw themselves at, I see your charming good looks and your fluffy curly brown hair.. And man do your green kind eyes make me think twice about everything. And when we talk is when I see the real you, I don't see the guy who chooses to be friends with the boy who destroyed me and the bitch who helped him by his side, I see the funny and charming Harry that I've grown fond of. I see the Harry who remembers the smallest things about me cause he cares, the one who makes me hot chocolate cause he doesn't want me to get cold. You are almost too good to be true.. You came here and saw the nerdy girl on the bus who gaped out staring at you and you tried to get to know her, you've shown me nothing but absolute kindness and it scares me that it's all too perfect to be real, that there must be some sort of strings attached because good things like that don't happen to me. So I tell myself that I don't care for you the way I do because I'm afraid.. I'm afraid of getting hurt again, I'm afraid to love you."

"You don't have to be afraid anymore love, you've spent way too much if your life doing just that. You should allow yourself to be happy, and if it's not with me I understand, but I hate sitting back and watching you like this, so scared to trust again."

"I do trust you Harry, more then I do with most people honestly, but you have to understand that sometimes I'm going to second guess myself, and sometimes I'm going to flinch.. Forgetting its your touch and not Calum. You need to understand that it'll take a bit for me to fully trust again and for all I know I may not ever get to that point"

"So what your saying is you want to be with me?" I ask nervously playing with the rings on my fingers.

"I can't believe I'm admitting it, but yes."
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Hey guys I'm sorry for not updating for a couple days :$ I just feel like my book isn't really good and kind of boring you all XD I will keep updating though don't worry! How'd you like the chapter? Leave me a comment?!
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