Criminal (Levi x Reader) [COMPLETE]

Chapter 20 [FINAL]

The flames from the funeral pyres flickered high into the air and a dull roar filled Levi's ears – the sound of wood and oxygen and flesh being hungrily consumed by angry red heat. As ash drifted from the heavens to dirty his hair and clothes, he wondered how much of it was hers. Not that there was any way to tell. After death, everyone's ashes were indistinguishable from one another's, and even someone as remarkable as [Name] was no more than an indeterminable cloud of dust in the wind.

Levi had never been one for ceremony himself. He would have been perfectly happy to stay inside, watching the peaceful, innocent face of his daughter as she slept in his arms, her tiny fingers curled tightly in his shirt. But Erwin had insisted, and so Levi had reluctantly handed Hope over to the midwife, kissing the tiny bundle lightly on the forehead and promising he would return.

He clenched his jaw and shot a pained glare at Erwin, who stood transfixed by the flames, an expression of grim contemplation etched into his features. The blond man did not notice Levi's eyes on him; he was lost in his own world, dealing with his grief in the only way he knew how. Levi envied the way he could remain so calm, and yet he hated it, hated the way he refused to shed even a single tear at the funeral of his first and only love. He also hated himself, for he could not hold back his own tears. He had promised he would not cry again, refusing to let Hope see her father's weakness. He needed to be strong for her – needed her to know he would always be strong for her – but in the presence of his lover's ashes, he was completely and utterly helpless.

The heavy scent of death and despair hung in the air like a disease, and he had to fight to not wrinkle his nose at the stench of it as he watched the mourning families and disheartened soldiers who had come to say goodbye. Some of them did not even have bodies to burn; only seeking closure and the strange, sick comfort one gained from knowing others were hurting too.

It disgusted him, the way they cursed the Gods for their unfairness and yet still prayed and pleaded that their loved ones find peace. It disgusted him that they displayed their grief so openly, in the presence of complete strangers, that they would abandon all dignity just to watch as those they loved became ashes and dust as if it would somehow ease their suffering. Unable to bear any more, Levi turned on his heel and stormed off, hands curled into tight fists by his sides. He would not watch her burn away to nothing when she had always been his everything.

By the time he reached his temporary residence, he had calmed considerably, though the familiar smell of burning still clung to his skin and clothes like a parasite and made him cringe with each breath. He opened the door to find the midwife asleep in the armchair by the fire, which had burned down to coals. Though he loathed the idea of seeking warmth from the flames after tonight, he could not ignore the frigid air. His stoking of the fire startled the sleeping woman awake, but she relaxed as she saw it was only Levi.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Ada," he said softly. "I assume Hope is sleeping?"

"Yes, I haven't heard a peep from her. Such a good girl. She'll need feeding soon, though I'm always reluctant to wake her..."

"It's alright, I'll take over from here. Go home and get some sleep."

Ada nodded, thanking him tiredly, before bustling from the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Levi was left with only his grief and the sound of crackling flames, a sound which no longer held any comfort for him. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, steeling himself.

I need to get through this. For her sake.

He crept quietly through to the bedroom, stopping in the doorway to gaze on the sleeping face of his daughter. Her tiny chest rose and fell with each steady breath and he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with relief and love. A small smile played at his lips – his first in days. She was perfect in every way, so perfect that he could not believe he had had a hand in creating her. He chuckled softly.