Always Only You (Rewriting)

15 | Quindecim

Sometimes, the best way to help someone is to just be near them.
-Veronica Roth, Divergent

Ryan's Pov:

I hear a knock on my door, after my outburst I stormed to my room and for once I had the satisfaction of yelling at my father's speechless face. "Leave me alone!"

The knock turns into bangs and suddenly I hear the door click. "Didn't I tell you to go away?" I cry, turning around, expecting to see my father at the door. My face drops as I glance into my cousin's icy eyes.

Of course, he only sends his henchmen to console me because he has no time to do so. "Your father didn't send me." he explained, judging the sour expression on my face. Sometimes I wonder if my expressions are that easy to read. 

I scoff at his statement. Of course he wouldn't be bothered. He has other things to do more important than his own son. The anger can be easily seen on my face, and I don't bother hiding it.

"Listen, a lot has been going on since you left." Alexander starts and approaches the bed with caution. He stops and decides to seat himself onto the black leather sofa in the corner of the room.

"Has the drugs not been selling?"

He ignores my sarcasm and continues, "There has been lots of vandalism happening at the docks. Shipment of goods is being tampered with. An unknown gang has been interfering with the transactions. We've lost a lot of money."

I shake my head. I always knew my father's obsession for money. The thought of losing so much, I'm sure he's furious.

"Actually that's not all. He's been receiving a lot of death threats." I narrow my eyes. It wasn't unusual to get death threats and warnings. In fact, it was really normal in his line of business.

I shrug my shoulders and open the window, only to be blasted in the face with chilly air. My cousin sighs at my indifference, "He left the drug business not long after you left. He is trying to turn over to a new leaf, we've started meat imports and exports now. We've all come clean. He decided to do this because he is scared to lose you too. A few days back we received a letter, it wasn't one of the usual threats we receive on a regular basis. This person knows everything about the exchanges, our family and even about you. Why do you think he wanted you to come back home? We frantically looked for you everywhere. Why? So that he can protect you here!"

"He couldn't even protect my mother."

My cousin clicks his tongue and gets up from the sofa. "It's a pity you are so blind."

Anger surges through my chest, "How dare you blame me! You have no idea how much pain I've gone through. Someone like you would never understand!" 

Alexander's face turns stony as his piercing blue eyes narrow into thin slits, "Someone like me?" He hisses a few curse words in Russian before quickly punching my jaw, throwing me off balance. As I fall over a chair, he grabs me by the collar and pulls me up.

"Someone like me would never understand what its like to be someone like you, because I never had any parents while growing up. I have not had the love of a mother, nor do I have a father who I can be proud of. Yes, I don't know how you feel. Ungrateful bastards like you don't realise the value of having people who are constantly worried about your well being. I have not regretted anything I have done for the happiness of your father and for you. I will not regret the lives that I have taken, as long as my boss and his family are safe. At least that way, my debts will be paid."  

For a minute I forgot the pain of my throbbing jaw and ignored the taste of blood in my mouth. The suffering and pain that reflected in my cousin's eyes showed me how much he had to go through to be the person he is today. 

I decided not to say anything else and hugged him. There was nothing more to be said, we held each other in comfortable silence.

***

I lie on my bed and scroll through the bunch of pictures that I had taken of her secretly. Her hazelnut hair cascading down her shoulders and ending till the small part of her waist. I sigh in frustration, suddenly remembering our many sleepless nights. Her lips whispering my name as I explore slowly and conquer her wholly. "That's it, I need a cold shower."

"Lil master," a faint knock on the door and after a minute, Gerard lets himself in. "Sorry to have  inconvenienced you, but I was contemplating whether I should let you know or not-"

"Know what?" I ask, clearing my throat as I quickly sit back  down, uncomfortable and silently praying for him to leave the room so that I can cool my head. "Is there anything troubling you?" Gerard was the one who took care of me since I was a child, I felt a bit guilty when I left the house without telling him, he must have felt bad.

"On the contrary, it is quite the opposite little master. Master Derek has always been treating us well. He has made us always comfortable and has paid for our Gertrude's college. I just wanted to let you know that your father has always been good to us, and he loves you and your mother very much. He just has trouble expressing it. Don't be too hard on him, recently his health isn't too good as well."

My eyes widen in surprise. "Sometimes we don't realise that what is important is right in front of us. Your father has started a legal business, leaving the underground world for good." 

"Why does he chose to leave it now? Why couldn't he have done this in the very beginning!"

He pats my shoulder as I choke back tears. "We all make mistakes, do we not? That is what makes us human."

A/N:

I was so busy with College applications and now since we're all quarantined, I thought that I should  update all my books. I'm terribly sorry of the delay. I'm sorry and thank you all for your patience. Stay safe and stay home .