Let Love Win

Chapter 27 - Hadley

As I shut the door on Zeek, I fell to the ground in a new set of tears. To someone looking in from the outside, I probably look like some pathetic, heart-broken girl. Usually I would laugh at people who react this way to such dumb situations like this. But now that it's me, I can't help but sympathize with those naïve girls who let one guy destroy their entire lives. For lack of better terms, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

After crying for a while over absolutely nothing, which is exactly what Zeek was now, I found myself just sitting there and rethinking everything I'd done—we'd done—over the past 8 months and trying to think of when things changed. it could have been the minute he walked into the café and told me I was training him—maybe not. But I do know that since that point, everything was different with me. He wasn't a friend at first; he came in like his goal was to take me from 0-60 in one shot. And I'd let him do it.

What caused me to let my guard down so quickly is totally beyond me, because no matter how attractive and manipulative the male species is, I vowed to never let them get to me. the only boys who had ever made it past my concrete walls were the orphan boys that I lived with. I continued to watch all these other girls falling in love with boys saying that it was the best feeling and only waiting a week before they said that their world was destroyed and their lives were over. Hell be damned if I ever let myself consider my life totally blown up if a guy ever broke up with me.

Yet here I am, sitting on the floor like a pathetic Barbie doll wannabe without her Ken. Absolutely pathetic, yet nothing could heal me. I considered calling Mel, but something told me not to. I felt like she would tell me I made the wrong decision by letting him go, something I already knew deep down inside. But no matter how much I thought that it was the wrong thing to do now, I also knew for sure that I would thank myself later in life that I didn't let someone like him—a complete liar, someone who I didn't really know—control my life.

I'm not one to talk about all the life-is-ending, knife-through-my-heart stuff when talking about how I'm feeling, especially now. But it sure as hell does feel crappy, for lack of a batter word. If I were to describe it like a lovesick pup, I'd just say that I felt...left alone. Knowing he was my boyfriend and I felt like someone was always there. I mean, I know that Monty always had been—for my whole life— and always would be. But this was different. Monty was a comforting thought, but Zeek was an exciting thought. Without his presence, now it felt like something was missing.

I reached for my phone beside me on the couch and absently dialed a number and held it to my ear. On the third ring, a voice answered.

"Hadley, is everything ok?" Monty asked.

"No," I answered quietly, starting to sob again. "Mom, I really need you right now."

She said something else after that, but I didn't hear, nor comprehend what exactly it was considering I had erupted into a mess of tears again. It occurred to me for half a second that it was the first time since my birthday that I called her mom. Any other time, I probably would have felt good. But right now, nothing was even close to the point of working. I was pissed off at Zeek for lying to me. I was pissed off at that Shawna chick for obviously being better than I'll ever be. but most of all, I was pissed off at myself for being so torn up over this and letting him in so close.

It wasn't long before I heard Monty screaming my name into the phone, trying to bring my attention back to her. I stopped sobbing for a bit until I really listened to what she said and heard the words "Let it out," and "It will be okay." I tried to believe her, and it took another flow of waterworks for me to believe it. I knew it wasn't going to last long, but at that point, I'd finally stopped crying.

"I'm sorry for being a baby,"  I said when I was calmed down.

"You're not a baby," she reassured me. "You're broken. you need to understand that it's ok to say that."

"Sure. But life goes on, right?" I started standing up, but was stopped by dead silence on the other end of the call. She only ever got that quiet when she was angry or upset about something. "Monty?"

"Now you stop that, missy. It's ok to admit that you let someone in and it didn't work. It's ok to say that you put your life somewhat on hold and nothing came of it. We're all humans and believe it or not, we make mistakes sometimes. But the worst think to do is hold it in. Now you're going to sit wherever you are right now and tell me what's going on in your head, tell me how you feel—tell me anything—and I will not let you end this conversation until you do. We're officially a family now and you better bet your butt we're going to start acting like one."

I stared off into space in disbelief. I'd never heard Monty use that tone with me before. sometimes she would use it with one of the boys if they weren't listening and she was getting fed up with them, but I'd been under her care for so long that she just let me go about doing my own thing.

I took a deep breath and looked down to the ground. "I don't know, it's hard. I feel..." (I felt stupid for doing this, that's what I felt). "I feel like he was a fire. And being me, I just added fuel to it. In all honesty, I knew that it was only a matter of time before things got out of hand. But it was...mesmerizing; watching the fire burn and slowly getting drawn in by the heat. But then it was like one in one second, the fire lost control and everything I'd ever believed, everything I'd ever known to be true was burned in front of my eyes."

At first, I didn't think she would understand a word I said. I was a songwriter, I was used to making up analogies to cover what was really going on in the song. But then she sighed over the phone and I knew she got it. "He lied, didn't he? Made you believe something and then turned around and it was something else—he was something else." It scared me that she seemed so familiar with the feeling. as if my thoughts, she mumbled, "It happens to the best of us."

"But it shouldn't have happened to me in the first place. I swore to never let anyone get the best of me because I knew all along that this is what would happen. I never believed in love or soul mates or any of that crap before, what was it about him that changed that? Like was so much better, so much easier when I didn't have to worry about any of that because it didn't exist."

"There's always going to be something that happens that makes you question your morals. It's inevitable."

"Well," I shrugged, shaking off all my feelings for good. "He's proof that I was right all along. I can go back to being the real me now. Anyways, I'm going to pack it in for the night, I have a lot to do tomorrow."

I stood up from the couch and moved towards my room. I still had the phone held to my ear just in case she said something. And she did, in a little whisper that I don't think was meant for me to hear. "I love you, Hadley," is what she said.

 As soon as I heard it, I imagined Zeek standing at my door saying those exact words to me. and I imagined the feeling of betrayal and hurt all over again. "Goodnight, mom."