Fat & Healthy ( How I Survived Shaming and Learned To Love My Body Again)

That Morning Cup Of Energy

As long as I can remember I always obsessed over just about everything and I mean everything. However I feel like I never had an addiction until I was becoming a healthier version of me and that addiction came in the form of Caffeine. More bluntly came in the form of Coffee. Let me explain what the difference is in obsession and addiction. Obsession is a mental thing, I have many mental issues so this is no surprise to me that I would obsess over music, words, animals, food, time, well you get the point its an endless list of things my mind would constantly think of. For example when I obsess over something you can be talking to me or trying to get my attention but I am in my own world with the thought that just will not go out of my head until its good and ready. Then I come back to earth and say Huh? My mother hates this as she constantly is chatting about something and she feels ignored. I do not do it on purpose and she does get over it but I can see its annoying. I obsessed about food a lot, about what it would taste like, look like, smell like but I never had a sugar, salt or any addiction of that nature. Addiction is when you have a physical reaction or withdrawal from a substance you put in your body or not. So if you have a sugar addiction you would shake, tremor, in rare cases faint, have some kind of physical reaction to it when you stop consuming it, if your obsessed it would just make you think about it all the time, desire it in other words. Take up your thoughts. I believe most of us confuse the two things. I confused them for a long time myself. I thought I was addicted to sugar until I started getting rid of the cookies, cakes, and such from my diet. I found I had a desire with my thoughts to want it or feel I needed it but my body could care less. It was saying to me Jeannie, you don't need the cookie, go eat the lettuce. Really this did happen. However not trained to listen to my body I always listened to my head I would ignore my body thinking I was addicted to the cookies. No, I just obsessed over it not addicted at all. My body did not then or ever Need the cookies, I wanted them to the point of obsession. Once I went a few days without eating cookies my mind obsessed over something else and I started to hear what my body actually needed. Do I eat sugar now ? Yes, mostly fruit but I do have a cheat day with the "unhealthy" foods once a week. It keeps my brain a bit saner. How did I get over my sugar obsession...with an addiction of course.

I read an article that said if your hungry and want to cut calories drink a cup of black coffee and you will feel full until the next meal. Ever eager to try something new I bought a brand new coffee cup, got several different brands to try from French Roast, Colombian, Italian Roast. Holy Cow Coffee was going to take me to different countries with my taste buds! I did not like my first cup of coffee but I did notice I did not get hungry as I took sip after sip. So I continued to drink it, one cup after breakfast was how I started. That's how I started but the more I drank it the more I liked it so I would have two cups, three cups well I finally stopped counting. You have to keep in mind my body and my mind wanted the coffee, I was experiencing for the first time at the age of 26 my first actual addiction. When I woke up in the morning my body would tremor and I would be so cranky from going all night without the wonderful pick me up that caffeine brings. I never drank alcohol or smoked cigarettes or smoked anything else. Coffee became and is still my one and only drug. I lost a lot of weight over a period of time. For 3 reasons I believe, Coffee did fill up my stomach so I did not eat as much, It gave me bursts of energy which encouraged me to exercise, It also made me happy until I overdid it. So was this healthy? At this point in the story the answer is no. However once I learned how to control my addiction to an acceptable level for my body it does become yes. Lots of people are going to disagree with me on that I know, I can see them shake there heads, but remember in life we make our rules, we are our own boss and the answer for me is yes now but not then. Next chapter will be about my wild and fun ride with Exercise. Coming soon.

*Smile Time*

Positive Thought- If someone hasn't told you that your beautiful today, let me be the first to say it. Your Beautiful, We were all made Beautifully. ♥