Fat & Healthy ( How I Survived Shaming and Learned To Love My Body Again)

After The Break

It took me a long while to get back here but I made it. Had a break from writing for awhile because I am going through a minor physical setback however my mind is filling up with so many thoughts I may explode so I best write through my physical aches *smile* However this part of my story is not so much about diet, exercise, or anything too much of that nature this is a bit more about what made me happy in a non physical way and how I came about to share this with all of you. 

I remember my first year of high school in snippets or moments of flashbacks. Some good snippets, some awkward snippets, some embarrassing snippets...well you get the idea. However the first snippet that always comes into my mind is when I was filling out my courses card and for the electives I decided to take deciding to try the creative writing class. At the time it was a whim that was on the surface quite idiotic but it was the best decision I believe I ever made. When I was 15 I never wrote anything other than what I was forced to, I loved reading and read all the time. Anything and Everything I could get my hands on I was excited to explore and see the pictures form in my mind like a private movie only I could see. I never thought I could write something one day that other people would consider movie worthy or valuable enough to look at so I never tried. This is why when I showed my parents the courses I choose and they seen this particular one my mom burst out laughing, she knew I was not a writer however the obvious had escaped me at this point in time. She asked me if I was sure I did not want to join the chorus in school or the piano class and I said no I was sure I wanted to join creative writing so it was done then she signed the card and I got in the class. 

My first day of creative writing class I sat with pencil and paper at the desk ( it was the ice ages before the computer age had hit, our school only had a total of 6 computers I believe so we had to do everything by hand then wait to type it up later at lunch or after school if we so choose to) the class started how classes usually do by the teacher introducing herself and as I sat listening to the teacher tell us about her life I started to daydream about what I was going to do after school when I heard her say tomorrow your first paper is going to be due with the topic "I am a storyteller because".  She had outlined that every class day we were to take the topic from the day before and in class just write what our feelings on the subject was except for Monday that was a free day when we could write whatever we wanted to, the topic was up to us that day. Coming out of my little happy place in that moment is when it hit me I was going to have to write in this class!!!! oh no!!! I was really naive as a teenager and things literally had to dance in front of me for me to pay attention, well the dance had started now. 

I had two more classes before the school day was over and sweated through them both, really my anxiety over having to write why I was a storyteller when I was not one was almost unbearable. Luckily the bright point was I knew no one in that class so I had the choice which was to reinvent myself with a lie or tell the truth. The next day in class I had 45 minutes to write something. I thought and thought for the first ten minutes staring at the paper like it was going to burst into flames and burn me. Finally I decided to tell the truth. I wrote very simply this. " I am not a storyteller yet because I never knew I could be. I thought this class would give me the opportunity to find out how by hearing all the other talented writers I was sure to find here. I am more of a reader than a writer, only writing when I am forced to. I am not sure If I could write anything worth people reading. I know that is what writing is suppose to be for other people to be moved by the writer. I am willing to learn but right now I am not a storyteller." My teacher's response was very simply this "welcome to the wonderful world of writing, YOU ARE a storyteller now."

I not only took creative writing class in 9th grade I took it for three more years. Learning more with each class and finding out many things about myself that I never would have known if I had not followed my instincts and just did it no matter if my mom did laugh at me ( still does she is not a fan of reading or writing ) or if I was scared to death to try something new. However if I had known the class was going to be writing everyday without any instructions of how to I never would have chosen that class and would have missed out on the passion I have for writing poems and stories now, maybe. So when people say Ignorance is bliss sometimes It really is. The most important thing I believe I learned was not how to write but whom its most important to write for and that is yourself. Opinions are important and show us how we can connect with each others, every criticism should be taken into consideration but I was taught you write for yourself first and others second. Meaning you may write something and put it out there with no one to see and that fine. If you are a reader, how many books have you read on the best seller list that did not move you half as much as an Independent writer you happen to stumble upon maybe on wattpad or at a local bookstore? Maybe you got that book at a bargain because it was collecting dust on the shelf unwanted and now its on your favorite list? Well its not so much about being the most popular its about being real. Its about writing your story not someone else's story that you think they want to see in print. Let them write that one and read it when they do *smile* 

okay so I take this attitude into my exercise and diet plan. I try the new stuff my instincts tell me to and I have snippets of that too. Happy snippets, sad snippets, angry snippets over not understanding how to do the exercise properly, you get the idea but just as I learned in creative writing its not so much about being the best its just about putting yourself out there and doing it your way. You may inspire others to do it like you or you may not, you may find something you really love and want to change it to suit yourself like in a recipe or a dance move or changing the reps in a series of exercises. Do it, if you thought about it try it no matter how crazy or idiotic it may seem because for me the crazier it seems the better it works out for me.  

*smile time * Anne Frank Inspires me so much everyday. I take her words as sacred even though she was so young when she wrote down her memories and thoughts. I am sure she wrote from a place within herself for herself and that is beautiful we all get to see and share her words. so for the smile time I choose one of her quotes. 

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world"~ Anne Frank