Fat & Healthy ( How I Survived Shaming and Learned To Love My Body Again)

My Biggest Problem

The first time I realized I had a problem was sitting at the principal's office waiting for my mom to come to the meeting. It was second grade. I had just been caught giving my lunch money to another student, I did not even know the student by name but he asked me for it and I had it so I gave it. See my problem was I could never say no and not feel bad, even if I knew it was wrong I would still say yes If I could because I was then and still a bit today a pushover. It's not hard to say no if you have no way of doing what someone asks you, for example if someone asks you for 500 dollars and you only have ten bucks well you have to say no, but if someone asks you for ten bucks and you have ten bucks well your gonna be broke but at least you made someone happy so to me it was worth it. I could always eat when I got home and hey I had heard it said by loving family members from time to time to cut down on my eating so giving my lunch money away seemed to be the right thing to do...but it wasn't. At this point I got two lectures from the principal pointing out the policy of no loaning money and my mom whom did not understand and just had that motherly look of we are gonna go over this at home. I nodded when I needed to and kept quiet, knowing I was in way too deep to get out the mess I had gotten into, see I had been doing this for awhile, a couple of months and you know how kids spread the good stuff fast, I was known for giving money away, well not just my lunch money...pencils, paper, other school supplies..heck I even gave my jacket one time cause someone said they were cold. I just always had an overwhelming need to do what was asked and to help as many people as I could. Even if I got punished, Even If it made me sacrifice. I don't think its completely bad to have this attitude but I have a tendency to obsess and well obsession always gets me in trouble sooner or later. As you may have guessed the ending to my lunch money giving came in the form of me not having any after that meeting at the principal office because I was not allowed to buy lunch the rest school year, thank goodness by the next year the kids did not ask me for the money anymore because punishment or not I would have given it. 

Lets fast forward to today and how I have changed. To be honest not very much, If I can do what is asked of me I will almost always do it. This can in fact lead to a bigger waist line. If someone says hey can you take a bite of this and tell me how it tastes? yep sure.... can you eat this extremely high calorie meal with me I don't like eating alone ? yep sure .... (even though you are not particularly fond of the meal) ... I have learned to say no to this one ... with my mom its esp hard, she will have an idea for dinner and say are you gonna eat this and that with me tonight? Sometimes I say no, make my own dinner plans, sometimes I say yes. Balance its all about balance. Its all about not doing something solely because you were asked to. Exercise and Meditation can also be hindered if you don't say no. Just know its okay to turn down the foods, and you can say no if someone wants you to do something right at the moment you were ready to exercise or meditate. You can also say yes and enjoy the movie with a friend and exercise later, you can say yes to the bite of food and then share your own maybe less calorie yummy that you have discovered, you can play with it but if for your health there comes a time you feel you must say no to better yourself, do it. 

Saying no is one of the things still hard for me to do but when I say no do you know what happens? The person sometimes gets angry but not for long. The world does not get destroyed, the cops are not coming for me, and the next time I have to say no it becomes a bit easier. Sometimes I am going to give in and say yes when I should have said no, I am human and its just in me to do that for some reason. However if I feel it made me take a step back on my healthy happiness journey the next time I will have to say no and not try to feel too bad about it. This is the balance I have found and so far it works for me. Saying yes or giving in to people, It's not weakness, its not dumb, its not that you think you are winning over people, its not to win a popularity contest. Most of the kids at school I gave my lunch money to I never seen them again, I did not try to buy friends and I never will do that it was just what I felt was a moment I could do some good but I was blinded to the bad I was doing to myself. So knowing what I had learned as an Introvert taking long times to process my feelings, when something is asked of me I take a step back and think before I decide on yes or no. I think to myself is this going to hurt me in the long run? Then I base my decision on that. 

*smile time*

Fact About Me (That drives my parents crazy)- I keep some dollars in my pockets when I go out in case I see some homeless person. I give them the money and usually get a blessing in return. Yes, they could go buy alcohol, they could do whatever they were going to do anyways my two dollars is not really going to make them do something extravagant that was not already in there minds. One day my parents hopefully will see that what I was given -the prayer/blessing  was worth much more than what I gave which was a few bucks that I will end up getting more of eventually. Blessings and Strangers praying for you when you have not asked ..well now that is special, or it is to me. Hope everyone has a wonderful day! Peace and love to all.