The Best of Me (A danisnotonfire fanfic) ✅

Part 11: Comfort

The scenery was different when I woke up. I'd never seen this room before and it was way to dark to be morning.
What the hell?
A pair of arms were wrapped around my stomach tightly and someone was snoring lightly into my ear. I froze. Who could this be? What was going on?
I turned around as carefully as possible to not wake up the person behind me.

Dan.
I don't know why but I felt strangely happy knowing I was cuddled up in his arms before the memories of the previous night crashed down on me.
You need to stop doing that. No one wants a fucked up freak like you, so just stop already.
What had he seen yesterday? The only thing I remembered was both of their eyes on me before I ran and puked my guts out in the toilet, before I probably passed out.
Didn't you lock the door? Attention seeker...
I bit my lip. Hard.
I couldn't stay here anymore.

I managed to wiggle myself out of the bed without waking Dan. I decided not to take a second look at his sleeping perfection before I walked out. For some reason that affected me more than it should have.

I dropped myself on their couch in the lounge after I made myself a cup of tea. The clock in the kitchen told me it was 2:54am, a normal time for me to be awake.

What do I do now? I don't keep love around, there was no possible way. I knew I was utterly and deeply in love with Dan, but I just couldn't risk it after all the things he'd seen. He knew I had an eating disorder, that I was self harming, and he knew about my anxiety. There is literally no possible way of us ever being a thing.
Both Dan and Phil knew where I lived and they wouldn't stop worrying, I knew that from experience. They would suffocate me, make me eat and constantly look after me.
You need to leave. No one wants you here.

The tea had gone cold between my hands, as had my surroundings. I was freezing, but couldn't care less. Physical pain or discomfort didn't bother me at all anymore.

"Lee?" someone said from behind me. I froze.
Shit.
"Leah, are you okay. You're shaking!"
Phil sounded strangely upset as he came into focus and dropped himself on the floor in front of be. He took the cold mug from my hands and planted it on the table nearby, before he grabbed both my hands with his. I felt like flinching them away, giving the circumstances. I wasn't wearing anything to cover up my bandages, and I was certainly not wearing pants. Why was this always happening?
Leah, for Christs sake, stop walking around like everything is your apartment.

"Geez Leah, you're freezing! Wait here." and with that he got up and disappeared again. How should I react to this? I was after all planning on leaving here, and I'd rather have a clean cut than dragging someone down with me.

My whole body tensed up, unwillingly, as Phil came back and draped a thick blanket over my shoulders. He didn't seem to be uncomfortable with my lack of clothing, but then again he was wearing just as little as me.
"Thanks," I muttered quietly.
"Lee," Phil began, I already knew what he was going to say. "I want to apologise for my reaction earlier. I didn't know and it shocked me that a beautiful person like yourself could do something like that. I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but I would really appreciate it if you could stop. I've only known you for a day, but it feels longer. Dan talks about you all the time, he just won't stop, and now I get why. It hurts me, and Dan most of all, that you do this to yourself. Leah, can you promise me that you'll stop?"

Tell a lie, quick!
"Yeah, I'll try." I said, careful not to meet his blue gaze.
"Thank you so much! We'll help you get better. Don't worry, we can look after you."
The asphyxiation had begun. I felt guilty lying to Phil like this, but I had to.
Tried to smile reassuringly back at him, but I failed miserably.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
It felt wrong, I couldn't talk about it. What was there to say? I don't have problems, so I told him just that.
"Talk about what? I don't have any problems"
"Lee, we both know you're lying. I don't know your reasons, but I wish I did." Phil said, staring at me.
"Why do you even care," I spat back, feeling instantly guilty. Phil didn't deserve anyone bitching at him.
Dick move, Leah.