Part 3: It was the following day and Kara was shoving stuff into a suitcase, she had just had another argument with mam about her behaviour and her attitude and was looking forward to fleeing the country although she knew her mam would flip when she found out. Hopefully il have long gone by then… Kara thought. She counted up her savings, there was plenty there so she decided to ask Taylor to come with her. She didn’t know what it was about Taylor but something had always drawn her to her, she had always hung off her every word. At this moment in time she needed her best friend.
Cheryl’s POV – Flashbacks in Italics
‘I don’t get it Nadz, like I try everything to make her settle down but everything seems to p*** her off. I just wish I knew what was going through her head… Shes drinking, shes smoking, doing god knows what else and has a serious attitude problem. I just wish I could help her’ I complained into the phone to my friend. I had continued to keep in touch with Nadine considering she also lived in LA. Although it had been harder for me to keep in touch with Nicola and Sarah, we did still occasionally speak over the phone and Sarah had popped in whilst visiting Nadine a few times over the years. ‘I wish I could help babe, maybe its just the American lifestyle that’s not good for her, maybe she needs her old life back to calm her down a bit…’ Nadine said into the receiver. ‘Nadz she was five, how does she even remember any of that’ I replied. ‘Yeah but maybe she just remembers the bad stuff ya know, you and kim arguing, kim moving out, you fleeing the country, taking her away from her sister, her mum, everything she knew, sometimes running isnt the answer Chez’ Nadine exclaimed. ‘I know that Nadz and I know it was my fault, Kara knows that too but I can’t go back now. I hurt her Nadz, I love… Loved Kimba, you know that but ive left it too long this time’. Nadine paused slightly, ‘She misses you, you know, she still loves you, a love like yours doesn’t just go away, she would have forgiven you and taken you back in a heartbeat if you just stayed and stuck around…’. I breathed heavily, ‘I broke her heart Nadz, how do you forgive someone for that?’. ‘Because that’s what true love is...’ Nadine simply replied. ‘Atleast think about the England idea’ Nadine continued. ‘I’ll consider it, thanks Nadz’. I eventually hung up the receiver and sat down finally allowing the tears to rack my body as I remembered that night and how everything was her fault. I wish I was over you Cheryl breathed heavily.
I was out drinking again, id been drinking a lot lately, especially with the guys from the Xfactor but tonight was different. It was a night to celebrate, I had just won with my category AGAIN and I was happy. Id felt a bit down and lonely recently even though I had Kim and the kids, I was beginning to live for work. Looking back, I think part of it was depression but I was being stubborn as usual and refusing to go to the doctors. So I was dancing in the night club with Emily one of my contestants and were having a laugh. I remember her grabbing my hand signalling that she was thirsty and dragging me to the bar. We both sat on the bar stools and drank our vodka and cokes in a fit of laughter. I don’t even remember what we were laughing at now but it seemed funny at the time. I was past drunk, I was happy and I didn’t have a care in the world. I didn’t have to cook for anyone, take care of anyone, I was free for the first time in 9 years and I didn’t have a care in the world. I remember looking at Emily and thinking I wanted her. I momentarily forgot all about the kids and Kimberley and how happily married I was, how much I did love my wife… because I did, I really did, I was just too momentarily drunk to remember. I lent in and kissed Emily on the lips. She returned it, one thing lead to another and I found myself being dragged into a toilet cubicle with my back against the door and her lips all over me. I just went with the flow. I had never slept with another woman that wasn’t Kimberley and maybe part of me just wanted to know what it was like to have sex with someone else. Everything she did was turning me on and as her fingers entered me I flung my head back against the door and thrust forward. It felt good and it wasn’t Kimberley. I already felt so guilty but I was lost and I was depressed and part of me just needed a way out. I used to be able to talk to Kimba about anything. I loved her, I loved our kids but I needed help and I couldn’t admit that to myself let alone her. I lost my wife and one of my kids in a moment of weekness and Ive regretted it every minute of everyday for 10 years. Neither I nor Emily had noticed the paparazi in that club that night, nor had we noticed the photos they got of the two of us together. The first I heard of that was when Kim thrust the paper in my face two days later and demanded answers. Ive never hated myself so much in my life.
