Chapter 16
I sat on my bed, having just received a text from Kimba, to say I was nervous was an understatement. I shouldn’t be nervous about talking to her. I shouldn’t be nervous about actually telling her the truth, telling her how I feel for once. That was something that was practically non-existent in our previous relationship, maybe that’s why we didn’t work before because I couldn’t talk about my feelings and therefore wasn’t letting Kimba in. I feel that the press attention before lead to my depression and eventual end to our relationship so why would I want to put myself out there again? But how could I tell Kim that, how could I expect her to understand that.
Suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door, ‘Can I come in’ came Nadines voice from behind the door. ‘Sure’ I mumbled before laying back down on my bed. Nadine walked in, shutting the door behind her, she sat herself on the edge of my bed and rested her hand on my arm. ‘Do you wanna talk?’ she queried, ‘What did Kim say to you?’ I asked in way of replying. ‘Mmmm babe I think you need to talk to her about that’ She spoke calmly. I sat up slightly and rested my head in my hand whilst remaining on my side, ‘Do you think im still depressed Diney? Is that what my problem is, why im struggling?’ I said sadly. ‘I don’t know babe, I think you need to see someone, I’ll come with you if you want’ Nadine smiled slightly. ‘Im not crazy Nadine, I don’t need a shrink’ I cried. Tears started falling down my cheeks, ‘come here’ Nadine sighed before pulling me into a hug; I buried my face into her shoulder as I cried. Nadine wrapped her arms around me, ‘You really are a good friend Nadz, you always know what I need, thankyou’ I smiled slightly. ‘No bother, I care about you Chez and if I can help, I want to try. I just really think you need to speak to someone. Maybe if I take you to the doctors, we could get you some help and maybe some tablets. It could help babe, you just need to accept that you need it. Im fed up of watching you hurt yourself which ive had to do a lot of over the past 10 years’ Nadine spoke calmly. I lay there calmly listening to Nadz speak, it often calmed me down just listening to her voice, no matter what she was talking about. ‘Im so sorry Nadz’ I cried before wrapping my arms around her again.
‘Come on babe, lets sort you out and tomorrow I am getting you an appointment with a therapist, ok’ She smiled at me whilst stroking my hair out of my face. I just nodded slightly before wiping some of my tears away leaving mascara tracks down my cheeks. ‘Chez’ came Nicolas voice from downstairs, ‘Yeah’ I replied. ‘Kimbas here for you’ was the reply before I heard more muffled voices and some footsteps on the landing. My door opened and Nicola and Kim wondered in. ‘Whats going on?’ Nicola asked, looking worried. ‘Chez just needs to talk to Kimba, don’t you’ Nadine pushed. I nodded in response, ‘Im ok’ I smiled at Nicola, if only to ease her worries. ‘Just need to clean my face’ I sniffed before wondering into the hallway towards the bathroom.
Nadine’s POV
‘Its bad isnt it’ Nicola questioned, having not seen much of Cheryl over the past 10 years, the other girls would have not had any clue on what had gone on in LA. I nodded slowly, not sure of how much Cheryl would want me to tell Kim before she got around to it. ‘Whats going on’ Nicola asked again, ‘Ive managed to get Chez to agree to see someone about her depression’ I sighed slowly before looking back towards Nicola. ‘What? I thought she just suffered a little bit from depression 10 years ago, not that it was still going on’ Nicola spoke a bit louder. I took a deep breath; it was beginning to become obvious that I would have to end up telling them.
‘Over the years I have spent a lot of time picking up the pieces after her drunken nights out, private binges and other stuff id rather not go into detail about’ I sighed. I noticed that Kim was staying particularly quiet through all this, I glanced towards her. ‘Kimba, you ok’ I asked quietly. ‘Whats the worst it’s been Nadz, please be honest with me, I need to know’ Kim replied quietly. I took a deep breath, sighed and looked towards the floor.
I had just got in from a studio session and went upstairs to run a bath, after my bath I got out to dry myself off and flung on my comfy clothes before heading towards the lounge to watch some Tv before bed. I was just settling into some programme when my phone rang on the counter, seeing it was Cheryl, I answered ‘What now Chez’ I laughed into the receiver. ‘Nadine’ Came Kara’s voice. ‘Kara whats wrong’ I almost screamed, sitting up on the sofa. ‘Its mam, theres bottles, blood everywhere, Nadz please, I need you’ she cried. ‘Ambulance is on its way’ Kara continued through her tears. ‘Omg im on my way’ I screamed before grabbing my keys and darting out my front door. The drive seemed to last forever, I pulled up just as the paramedics were loading Cheryl into the ambulance. ‘What happened’ I yelled at a technician. ‘Im afraid it seems she tried to kill herself, whether accidental or on purpose, we don’t know at this stage’ the guy spoke sadly. ‘What do you mean, what did she do’ I screamed through my tears. ‘She was found by her daughter in the bath with slit wrists surrounded by wine bottles and an empty pill bottle, we need to get her to the hospital now as soon as possible, im afraid you can not ride in the ambulance with her’ the guy replied. I broke down in tears as I ran towards Kara and wrapped my arms around her. Cheryl was kept in hospital on a ventilator for two weeks and admitted into rehab for the three following months after that and I was given temporary guardianship of Kara until she was released. Kara had to see that and at the time she was only 12
I looked up to see Kim close to a breakdown, ‘I cant believe she didn’t confide in me back then, I would have helped her, I would have understood and been there for her every step of the way’. I looked towards Kim and smiled slightly. ‘I know babe but you know Chez, she is stubborn and refuses to open up and talk to people about her problems’ I said sadly. ‘That wasn’t the only time she got admitted, was it. Be honest’ Kim cried. I shook my head slowly before looking down again. ‘No, she got admitted a few times over the years, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, suicide attempts, each time being found by Kara or myself’ I sighed. Kim looked up with a determined look in her eye, ‘Well this time im going to be there for her whether she likes it or not. Im going to help’. I smiled a real genuine smile. ‘She will like that whether she admits it or not.’
