Rachel's P.O.V
I love Taylor. I'm in love with Taylor. Her in my arms is the only medicine I'll ever need. I never want her to leave me. I want to wake up next to her and fall asleep with her. I mean im so lonely here on my own and I'm sure she is fed up of living with her parents I mean plus it's not like anyone will think it's weird, I have a spare room so she can keep her stuff in there and we can sleep in her bed or mine, we can switch it up if she wants too. Whatever she wants we will do. That's it. I'm going to ask her.
"Hey, can I ask you a question? and I need you to be serious about it and be completely honest. Please don't think I'm trying to force you into anything okay baby?" I held her hand and kissed her cheeks. She looked into my eyes and said "Okay baby you have my full attention." I just looked into her eyes for a moment tools deep breath and said "I know that things have gone fast and this is a big leap but...well...do you want to move in with me? I mean it makes sense to me because like I have a spare room even though I hope we would be sleeping together but we could put your stuff in there and we can just be with each other and I want to wake up next to you and fall asleep with you in my arms. You in my arms is all I'll ever need. We can just be us and be with each other but I urm I don't know, it's your choice."
Taylor just looked at me for a while with a blank face and I started panicking. I've fucked everything up. What have I done. I love her. And I've ruined it. I hate myself. She's going to leave me. I stood up started pacing and saw my box of blades on the floor. I forgot I gave them to her. Thank god she hadn't flushed them or thrown them away. I bent down and got one out of the box and put it in my pocket and left the room bursting into tears. Taylor jumped up and ran after me saying "Baby where are you going, baby don't cry, I was just thinking about things nothing bad". I didn't understand what she was saying. I just went into the bath room and locked the door. At first she just asked me to unlock the door nicely and was trying to calm me down. It was too late I had already started n there was no going back. She stopped for a moment I don't know what she was doing but then she said confused "what did you pick up from next to the bed?". I just froze and heard her walk away to my room. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. She's going to know. There was silence across the whole house and blood dripping down my legs. But then I just heard a quiet "No" then another one a bit louder "No" then another one but again a bit louder than the last one "No" then she yelled "NOO". I heard her run to the door and she started hitting the door telling me to open up and unlock the door. I felt so bad but I couldn't stop. I could here her voice cracking. She was sobbing so much. I couldn't move to open the door bc there was too much blood and my legs were in so much pain-too much to move. I needed to say something I can't leave her like this. I croaked "I'm so sorry, I can't get up to let you in." She stopped banging on the door and went away for a minute or two. When she came back she said softly " stay well away from the door and don't worry it's going to be okay." I didn't understand what she was talking about but I listened. There was a loud bang on the door which made me jump. Then there was another loud bang except this time the door cracked on the edge. There were 3 more bangs each one cracking the door more then there was a 4th and final bang and Tay fell through onto the floor. She looked up and saw the blood everywhere. She sobbed and sobbed and I couldn't help her. She quickly ran over to me and put her hands on my cuts. She was getting covered in blood-my blood. She grabbed my face and kissed me then said softly "I'm so fucking sorry baby I love you more than life and of course I want to live with you. In going to look after you."
I started sobbing so she kissed me and lifted me up into the bath and ran the water. She splashed the water over my legs to try and wash away some blood. She got rid of all the blood she could so she turned off the tap and pulled out the plug. She reached down and lifted me out. She sat me down on the toilet seat and took off my wet and bloody clothes, wrapped me in a warm towel and then carried me to bed. She lay me down and put a blanket around my top half and covered up my place where the sun doesn't shine and then went to the bathroom to get a flannel. When she came back she had a flannel and some toilet paper. She sat next to me and kissed my forehead. Then she got the flannel and started dabbing all the cuts-it stung like hell but I knew it was helping. Once she did that she wrapped toilet paper around my legs to soak up any excess blood.
She went to stand up but I pulled her back down into a big hug. I whispered in her ear "I am so so so sorry you had to do that. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. if you want to know why I did it, it is because I thought I had ruined what we have and you hated me and you didn't love me any more and I...I thought I had lost you and you are all I want, you're all I have. I need you in my life. I'm nothing without you. Please. Please. Don't leave me. " Tay pulled out of the hug and kissed me. She then rested her head against mine and said "Baby please don't apologize, it's my fault, I'm sorry for going quiet I was only thinking of all the stuff we could do together if we lived together. I love you and I can't live with out you I'm going no where." We both just looked into each others eyes and kissed. Then we just cuddled until we fell asleep.
