Ending Innocence (boyxboy)

Chapter Five

To hide the pain we push people away. In the end we have no other choice. As the pain consumes us we fear for our loved ones. Them being the ones we have the need to protect and so our self sacrifice begins. 

Luca’s POV.

Mamma pulls up to the house and my stomach drops. With my eyes closed and my head tilted against the back of the seat I can’t see anything. But my stomach does a summersault and I know it’s a bad sign. It’s never a good sign when mom tenses. She’s hunched forward looking out the windshield, her lips purse into a frown. My eyes divert to the stone driveway. Tire marks and burns are scattered across the drive. Leading all the way down, they go onto the road and down the street. Mamma’s eyes meet mine and her confused face creases even more. The wrinkles around her eyes and nose deepen. We both look to the window. Behind the lace curtain Aria’s silhouette stands tall. Her shoulders hunch just slightly as she spots us outside, I frown.

“Vediamo cosa sta succedendo,” mamma says. She’s out of the car before I can stop her. She wants to see what’s going on, but I can tell she’s already freaking out.

“Careful mamma, you’re speaking Italian again,” I tell her, knowing she’s worried and not doing it intentionally. “I’m right behind you.”

The door opens and Dante looks directly to me, ignoring mamma as she walks by. It’s a bad sign, a very bad sign. “D, what’s going on?”

“Come inside and we’ll talk.” His voice cracks. Anxious, I worry my bottom lip with my teeth. Drawing blood and not caring. Mammas face pales and she draws Aria into a tight embrace.

“What’s going on? You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost.” They don’t answer. “Come on; tell me what’s going on here.”

Clearing his throat, Dante speaks. “Robert was here when we got home earlier. I don’t know where’s he’s staying or if he’s staying, but he’s back.”

Robert? He’s here? My voice died inside my throat. Tears cloud my eyes. I begin to shake violently. They don’t notice though. None of them look away from themselves. Mammas face pales even more, her cheeks become moist with tears. I feel like I’m suffocating. My lungs fill with oxygen yet I cannot breathe. Every breath becomes tougher. My lungs fail to release the badness in them. Tremors ripple through my body. He’s here and coming after me. They don’t say it, but I know it’s true. Their eyes don’t do a good job of hiding that fact. I sneak out of the room. Not wanting to stand there and listen to their conversation. They don’t need to see what comes next. I don’t want them to hear.

Inside my bedroom I close my door and slide to the floor. I bury my head into my knees, not sure where else to hide it. The tremors running through my body have paralysed me. Fear grips me and clouds over into my thoughts. It’s like living in the past and not being able to escape. Picking myself off the floor I head into my bathroom. Pain, I need to cause myself pain. Something needs to happen for me to feel comfortable again. Living in my skin is becoming more and more unbearable. It hurts to simply wake up and open my eyes. Life isn’t what I want; it’s the end I want. I just need to see the end.

“Il mio tesoro, are you in here?” Mamma speaks from my bedroom. I clear my throat to call out, “be there in a minute mamma.”

I quickly wipe away the tears. The redness is noticeable, so I pour some cold water over my face to make it less obvious. Sighing, I realise it’s not going to work and I walk back to my bedroom. My body chooses now to start trembling again. Mamma watches me walk over to her; the signs of her wanting to touch me are there. She keeps her hands fisted on the bed, her eyes give me a once over and her mouth’s set in a firm line. We used to be very close, now I’m not sure if we’ll ever be the same again. And it’s all my fault. I don’t speak and neither does she. Her eyes never leave me though, and she’s the one who breaks the silence again.