Ending Innocence (boyxboy)

Epilogue

True love is important. Showing the person how much you love them can be a problem, though. So how should we show those we love how much we love them? Surprises are always the best.

Luca’s POV.

Life sucks when you can’t walk. It really does. But it’s even harder when the person you love tries to support you and all you can do is worry. Caden is so supportive. He does everything he can to make me see the light at the end of the tunnel. But not everyone is as nice and supportive. The counsellor they have me talking to is very against my relationship. Then there’s the physio, who is nice for the most part, but doesn’t give me much hope when it comes to walking. I’m really trying to stay happy and positive for Caden and everyone. But I just can’t. This is not where I saw my life.

“Hey, angel. How was PT today?” Caden asks, kissing me softly.

I shrug. “Fine, I guess,” I lie, knowing he won’t believe me but not sure what else to say.

“Talk to me, Luca. I want you to always talk to me. You’re sad. I can see how sad you are. Don’t slip away from me after everything.”

I start to cry and it’s not because of him. Well, it is, but it’s more to do with what the counsellor said. Could he be right? Will Caden fall in love with a woman one day because people will want him to? Of course he could fall in love with a woman because he falls in love with her. There’s nothing stopping him expect for me. And the counsellor doesn’t think we’ll last. Gay relationships are doomed from the beginning because people want to be normal.

“Aw, angel. What have people been saying to you?”

I look up, shocked.

“What?” He asks. “I know you. I know people say things to you and they hurt you. I want to punch people because of it. But I hold back because I want you to be proud of me. And you won’t if I hurt someone. But you have to tell me what’s wrong. You just have to.”

I blurt it out. Nothing can stop me. “He said you’ll leave me. That we’ll never last because I’m a guy and you could fall in love with a girl.” I can’t stop the tears. I cry and I cry. It hurts so much. “He said you would never be able to have forever with me. He sees what I’ve always seen. I thought I was getting better. Now I just don’t know,” I cry. I have to stop. But I can’t. Every fibre in me is afraid of Caden leaving me. I’m not innocent. My innocence ended when I was a little boy. And Caden has done everything to make me better. I don’t know why my body is so tense. It feels like someone has run me over. I feel sick. God help me, I want to puke. I stop when I hear Caden speak. It sounds more like a shout.

“I’ll fucking kill the son of a bitch,” he grabs my face and makes me look into his eyes. It only hurts more. Why? Why is he doing this to me? “Luca, I love you so Goddamn fucking much. I want you so badly. No other man or woman will ever compare to you and I will never love anyone else. Got it?”

I don’t answer. Everything just seems off to me. I feel like my world will end without him.

“I love you, don’t leave me. I love you. Please don’t leave me,” I whimper.

He climbs onto the bed and ushers me onto my side. He holds me close to his body as he does his best to calm me down. I feel myself tiring. That’s another thing he must hate. Me falling asleep on top of him. How could any seventeen year old want their boyfriend to fall asleep on top of them? He’s an angel. And I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, only that the counsellor said I don’t deserve happiness. He said I will never be happy forever.

I fall asleep in his arms, feeling more emotional than I want to. His lips pepper kisses against my neck, soft and comforting. He doesn’t push. Caden never pushes. Even in my dreams he makes me happy. He does everything. I sometimes wonder if he knows how amazing he is to me. He would make anyone very happy. He makes me happy. But people can obviously see things I can’t. Was I wrong to start to believe I might be worth something? Is it wrong for me to want him forever and to never let him go? I hate life sometimes. I love everything about my life. But life in general sucks. People suck. And sometimes people really want you to suffer. I just want Caden to keep holding me.

Caden kisses me awake. His arms around me make me feel loved, happy. He kisses the back of my neck and I realise I’m feeling better. They must have given me something while I was asleep. I don’t feel sad. Loved. That’s how I feel. Should I feel like this so soon? Shouldn’t I be trying to come to terms with the things the counsellor said to me? I stop questioning it. In Caden’s arms, none of it matters. Only his love matters while I’m here. I want to laugh and to smile. Two things that were once foreign to me, but no longer are.

Caden places his hand, fisted, in front of me. It’s like he’s afraid or something. His hand is shaking.

He opens his hand, revealing a box. I blink because the box looks… He confuses me because he says nothing. He doesn’t move. He barely breaths. Nothing happens for a long time and his warm breath is the only sound in the room. Tears well in my eyes as I take the box out of his hand and contemplate opening it. I want to open it. But I’m scared, excited, and nervous. Could I be wrong? Slowly, I click open the box and when I see the contents of it, I gasp. My heart pounds happily in my chest.

“Marry me, Luca?”

The end.