Ending Innocence (boyxboy)

Chapter Twenty Five

Life can hit us at any moment. When it does we are left with decisions. Our decisions are not just for us. When we have a family, friends, and people who care about us, it becomes more than just one or two people.

Luca’s POV.

There’s a time in everyone’s life when you are left two choices. You can either live or die. Nobody can make the decision for you. It has to be you. Now, I know those who believe in God will disagree with me. But I’m not talking about having a heartbeat. No. I’m talking about actually living a life. A happy life. And doing something with yourself. That is something only you, as a person, can do. People can try to steer you in the right directions and tell you what you should do. But when they stop talking and when you’re alone. The decision to do something with your life has to be yours.

That’s why, once I focus my eyes and see Caden’s tear streaked face, I realise I have a huge reason to live. Well, it’s more than him, of course. I have a family that love me and who I love just as much. There isn’t just Caden or me. It never was just us. I’ve been selfish, I realise. More selfish than I ever wanted to be. Now, though, I have to live for my family and Caden. He is a giant part of my being. I love him. And he loves me, apparently. We have both got our demons. Mine come from my past, and his come from somewhere deep inside of himself. A part I will never understand, but I get. I will never be able to understand his issues. To me, he is perfect.

I clear my throat. Funny. It’s not that dry. “Caden,” I whisper hoarsely.

“Caden, wake up.” That doesn’t come out much better.

I realise he heard me the first time because he lifts his head with a happy smile on his face. He just looks so damn happy right now. I think my heart melts a little bit because of that beautiful look.

“You’re awake,” he whispers. “You’re really awake.”

He starts to cry and I tug on his arm. It hurts to do so, but I don’t care, he needs me. So I just hold him while he sobs his heart out. In those moments of silence with only his sobs to add noise, I realise more than a few things. Firstly, I realise how much he really truly loves me. Now, I know people will wonder how I didn’t know that before. Let me tell you. I have always known there was love there. The way he looks at me is a dead giveaway. But I have always believed he would be able to move on if I were to die. I could always imagine him getting married and having kids. Even if the person beside him wasn’t me. My mind has always been able to picture him with a husband or a wife. But now I realise how much that isn’t true and how much I don’t want it to be true.

Secondly, I realise how much my life means to me. Not only because of him, which is a pretty huge reason, but because of my family too. And myself. I want a life of us growing old together, raising children, sharing and learning together. I want a life with him by my side. For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I can see us having a long life together. All that’s needed is for me to get through some stuff. Mainly figuring out how we will have sex without him having to look at… well, without him having to look at all my scars and burns. That’s one thing I’m not looking forward to. I wish I could be perfect for him. He deserved perfect.

“I love you so much, Caden,” I whisper into his hair. He sighs happily. “Love you, too, angel.”

We say nothing after that for a while. I know he needs time to come back down to earth again. He needs to feel me breathing, to hear my heartbeat. I need that just as much as he does. To feel him living and breathing in my arms. It’s comforting to me. Maybe it’s because I… I don’t know if I will ever talk about those things. But right now, I have him here in my arms and I am finally happy. Happiness. It’s a funny emotion. It can be more painful than all of the emotions because when it comes crashing down around you, it can shatter everything you have built yourself up to become.