Being Sang

She Who Took A Wild Guess

I clung to Kota and felt him tremble slightly in my arms. Burying my face in his neck, I held onto him until I thought he was ready to speak to me once more. Somehow we made our way to the bed where he sat on the edge of it with me straddling his lap.

After some time I pulled away, mainly when the temptation to kiss his neck came upon me.

"Kota, it may feel like I'm pressuring you in some way and that I'm pushing unnecessarily, but if Mr. Blackbourne or Dr. Green or any of the others didn't want you to know they would have stopped this. You know that as well as I do. It's not about painting you with the same brush as me. It's about us all being on the same page. So if you don't want to know, tell me that and I'll keep silent—because that comes back to honesty too."

He didn't reply, but instead pulled me closer. I had no idea it was possible, but he somehow managed it and the truth was it was very titillating. I began to tremble and I found myself mortified because of it.

"Are you cold?" I didn't get the chance to answer before I felt his hands rubbing up and down my back and my trembling increased and I fought back a moan.

"Is me knowing this important to you?"

His hands kept moving and although he was only touching my back it was enough, actually it was too much. I really had no idea how Sang endured this.  My hormones were on a rampage. 

"Yes." I whispered. I don't know whether or not it was my tone when I said the words (which was like a throaty moan), but I promptly found myself deposited on the bed—and immediately wanted back on his lap.

Kota remained silent and I simply lay my head on his shoulder waiting for him to come to a decision, and hoping he came to it soon, before one of the others came barging in the room. It didn't seem like he would give me permission to tell him what was going on so I eventually rose to my feet. "We should go join the others."

Kota nodded, but grabbed my hand and pulled me back down onto the bed. My eyes widened in surprise.  I turned my head to find him staring at me intensely.  It made my mouth grow dry and I swallowed furiously in an effort relieve myself of the uncomfortable sensation. 

"You talked about honesty and you're right it's important. The truth is I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of what my entire team felt like it was necessary to keep from me, more importantly of what you felt you needed to keep from me."

He was right. Sang did keep the information from him. While it was true that keeping him as the last one in the dark was accidental he didn't know that.  There was nothing I could do to fix that. 

"I think..." Because on this I couldn't really speak for Sang. I didn't know how she truly felt about Kota not knowing. I could only impose my suppositions on the subject and hope they were right. "I think I was scared too, of telling you."

Kota reached for my hand and squeezed it.

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid that if I tell you, you'll walk away from me."

"And you aren't afraid of that now?"

"I am, but I can't let my fear control me. I don't want to. You can leave in the end, but I want you to know if you do decide on that course, that Sang Sorenson loves you anyway."