Howl Silently My Love

PayBack

Chapter 12

---Damen’s POV---

I paced back and forth along the bank of the lake as I watched the moon rise. For now it was still silver but the thought of it turning orange just a few weeks from now left me feeling agitated. This wasn’t right. Losing my mate would have been terrible—awful—unbearable . . . but so was losing the respect of my pack. I was the Alpha; they looked to me for everything so how could I possibly betray them? It wasn’t heard off. An Alpha couldn’t mislead a pack . . . there had to be some law against that.

What was worst was that as I stood here pacing I was losing myself more and more. While I wasted my time trying to come to some decision I was going mad. I could still smell her intoxicating scent . . . feel her silky skin rub against mine—I wanted her; I needed to have her. How would I have been able to get that though? She wanted nothing to do with me until I sorted out my own internal struggle. As far as I knew neither of us had the endurance necessary to wait for that to happen so I don’t know what she was trying to say. Even the way she walked around all jittery today told me that she was losing it just as much as I was; maybe even more, who knew.

“Damen you’re gonna make a rut in the ground, quit pacing around like that.” Riley said as he and my other cousins walked out to the lake. I sighed but didn’t stop pacing. They were a part of the reason why my choice was so hard to make. They had nothing but the utmost respect for me; they stood behind me when I challenged Dad and took his spot as Alpha and now I would have to let them know how wrong their choice was. They would probably hate me. They would never listen to me again.

“Not now guys I need to think.” I said as I began pacing faster. This was almost unbearable. I wondered if she was having just as hard a time . . .

---Maia’s POV---

“Tik Tok on the clock but the party don’t stop!” I was jumping on my bed with the music blasting. There was nothing like a little mind numbing music to clear your head. “Come on Ryder, you sing too!” I shouted over the music. To-night Imma fight ‘til we see the sun light.”

“Will you stop that racket you’re making; you’re hurting my ear drums.” He said as he made his way to the radio. He thumped it off with his tail then walked over to the bed. I kept jumping while I stared down at him. He was such a grouch. He swept is tail across the bed and I tripped. “Quit jumping on the bed as well, it’s giving me a headache.”

I sighed, feigning exasperation. “Fine I guess you just don’t want me distressing then, is that it. I mean I don’t mind of course because I can always curl up with you later and have myself a good sleep in your warm, dry fur . . .ahh . . .sounds nice huh?” I flashed him a spitefully innocent smile to which he rolled his eyes and left the room. I smiled now shaking my head then turned the radio back on. There was no way that he would have let me curl up with him so I really needed to calm myself before I went to bed, lest I did something that I would have regretted. Usually whenever I had something to regret it was beyond awful and well I wasn’t looking forward to seeing the inside of Damen’s room anytime soon or every again for that matter. I usually had an awful feeling right after I gave in to whatever urge gripped me. I was usually disgusted for letting myself give in so quickly and without much of a fight and what I hated more than anything else was knowing that I couldn’t control it. For someone who was used to being in control 200% of the time suddenly melting at the slightest whim felt degrading. I didn’t think that I would ever lose that feeling so long as I was myself.

My guess was that Damen was feeling much worse and that made me feel alittle better. He deserved it for selling me out like that. I still couldn’t believe it and every time I thought about it it made me angrier. How could he have fed me all that garbage about being mates and loving each other and needing your mate when in the end all he planned to abandon me for glory? On the night of the harvest moon I was going to make sure that I laughed in his face and I would show him what happens when you mess with the bond. His time would come so he could continue playing Mr. Hotshot for his cousins. I’m sure they would find my joke just as hilarious as he would.