At the End of the Day

Chapter 4 A walk through my past

   "Believe it or not Josh I was a very good girl before I turned into what I call myself a vampire." He looked  very confused with a little bit of amusement.

"I'll explain later on in my story," I told him. "My life was perfect until I got to middle school. After loosing my cousin in third grade, a best friend in fifth grade, and going into sixth my sister moved in with us. Things were a little crowded but I got over it with happyness.

   "It was not long before my mom and sister started to not get along. That was when I started sitting in the dark by myself, imagining horrible things."

"Like what?"

"How I would die." There was a silence that I could stand no longer so I continued.

"She moved out and by seventh grade I started getting suicidal thoughts that were stronger. They eventually went away and I thought things were going great when my grandpa started to die. I was so up set for a long time. Things only got worse for me. While the whole time I thought I was fine.

   "Ninth grade was the killer. My sister was seeing this old guy. She was soon having his baby. I had to choose between her or my mom.

   "I started bitting and brusing myself. In the end i started cutting. I felt like I could not keep them both in my life so I chose my  mom."

"Why?"

"Because I was always trying to please her but I never could. I lost them both; my sister and my mom I never had."  He put his arm around me in a way of saying every thing is going to be okay but just without saying it.

   "I stopped for Kayla. She was the first person I told. Zoey and I talked about it but I did not do that at that time. Promise you wont tell her or treat her any different."

"I promise."

"I blame myself for Kayla cutting. I told her about me and not long after she started.

   "I do it because I'm bitter and can't feel anything at times.... Now you know how I came to be me."

"What about the vampire thing?" he chuckled as he said it. I told him my theory.

"I like the vampire thing. It's cute." he pushed a strand of hair out from my face and then started to play with it. I wish that I could be with him whenever I want. I want to fall asleep and wake up in his arms. I would know that I was safe all night. The sad thing is I can't.  I have to wait at least two more years before I can marry him. I really love him. He is the first guy I really love and is not just a crush.

   " You know out of your dream the only part I love is us kissing." We both laughed and I playfully hit him.

"Aww gee thanks. I loved that part myself actually." Even though I'm not really ready to kiss him yet. Don't get me wrong, I love him but I want my very first kiss to be special. In the moonlight, a full moon, under a willow looking out at the lake watching the sun go down before hand. Hearing the crickets chearp. Some fireflies maybe. Just us two, kissing. Long meaningful kisses. Not that really intense kissing that leads to something.

   Or maybe it could be us at his house. Having dinner with some candles. Me personally I think pizza is a very nice meal on a date. Eating pizza.

    Or sitting in front of a fire place drinking coco. Wrapped up in a blanket together. Close to Christmas. Watching the snow fall from the nearest window. (Not in Georgia duh. On like a vacation.).

   Anyone of those I would call a perfect first kiss. All the ones after that don't really matter just as long as we're alone.

   Kissing in the rain sounds great too. Zoey tells me it's not that great. No kissing on the porch while it's raining. Yeah. Just ran from the car onto the porch. A little damp from the trip to there. Laughting and then... BOOM! We kiss. That's a pretty good one to.