Cool for the Summer (another potter fanfiction)

I Can't Handle This

Hermione's P.O.V.
  They are having more order meetings, but they have to be in really secret locations. Only the twins and Mr. and Mrs. Weasly are allowed to go. That leaves Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I here.
  Before she leaves she'll make dinner and pastries. After about thirty minutes of them being gone we usually eat. Ron and Harry end up eating all of the various desserts, then Ginny yells at them about being selfish gits. After that we go out separate ways, sometimes it's Ron and I, but other times it's Ginny and I. But today it was nobody and I.
  I think I make these plans mostly for me. Not to help our day go without a hitch. Not to help out anyone. But I think that it's to keep me sane.
  Ron drives me crazy when he makes those random messes. If he tries to help, which he honestly does, he just screws it up more. I don't think I can handle that. The only reason I am still going is because Ron is always says something stupid when I try to talk him through how to fix whatever and I find that more endearing than annoying.
  Today, instead of going with Ron like I had promised, I went up to my room because the  sudden revelation that I wasn't okay hit me. Ron tried to follow me, bit he wouldn't understand. Ginny wouldn't understand. Nobody understands what I have to go through.
  I shut myself in the room and didn't let anyone in. Ron eventually got in after remembering alohomora. When he wasn't staring at me I smiled. I didn't think he would, or could sometimes, remember anything I taught him. Though, it didn't make me, to any degree, okay, it did make me kind of happy.
  Ron sat on the bed and put his arm around me. I sighed. Not at him... But to him. A small plea, if you will. He kissed my head as I hugged him. Another reason I'm still here. I love his romantic side.
  I looked up and kissed him. His tallness making me stand on my toes. I could pretty much change my appearance thousands of different ways with just a few spells,a polyjuice potion. I even tried it once before. Ron just yelled at me. He told me that he never warranted me to change myself again. That I was perfect no matter what. That I would be his, no matter what. That is what keeps me grounded.
  I smiled as the pros started to balance out the cons. I started this thinking why am I still with him. I ended it exactly the opposite. I was wondering what in the world I was thinking when I shut myself away. Actually, I wasn't. I knew exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking that I just did this for myself.
  I think, actually, I do. But it's not why I originally thought. I think it's more because Ron drives me insane, is just a way to feel sane again. Now, I know that I will never be same while Ron is around, but I can pretend.
  Ron set me softly on the bed and sat down beside me. Looking back again I'm wondering why I shut myself away. Ron makes me feel better. Ginny sympathizes with me. Hell, even Harry can cheer me up.
  I came out of my dreamland as Ron kissed me. He pulled me closer and I wrapped my arms around him. "I love you. You know that, don't you?" He smiled. "I know. But do you?"
  I had to think about what he said before I figured out what he meant. I gasped at him. "That's so... Unlike you. It's a change, but not a bad one. I don't know what to think." He kissed me again. "Know that I love you."
  I was bewildered and in love. I want supposed to fall in love with Ron. I promised myself that I wouldn't. But I did. And I love it.