Truth

10.Text

Tarim had woken me with a text, which made my mattress vibrate around me. He'd said something about getting Evelyn, to surprise her for her birthday. It was an excuse to see her so I got up, got showered, got dressed and got on my way.

As I walked across the green section of grass, separating our two dorm blocks, I listened to the birds chirping and felt the sun beat down on my skin. The grass had been cut that morning, and the smell filled my nose. It reminded me of one summer I spent camping in the garden with Steven, we played and laughed and it was so carefree.

I pushed open the door to the block, as a girl was coming the other way, I held it open for her and she nodded a thank you, before I went through. Normally it wouldn't strike me to be courteous, but a new wave of happiness and comfort had been settling into my veins since Evelyn had been in my life. The privilege to see her each day, and the hope that maybe, one day she would see me as I saw her - as unrealistic as that desire may be.

I even began to whistle, a happy tune.

I went up to Evelyn's door. I'd gone there so frequently by now that I could probably get to it with my eyes shut. In my nose, I could almost smell the faint cigarette aroma that always lingered in her room. I didn't think to knock; I just let myself push open the door. As soon as I had I wished I hadn't.

Evelyn was sat up on her bed; she had her legs straddled across someone else; a girl with long, dark hair and tanned skin. They had their lips pressed together and their arms around each other, tightly. As I had stepped in slightly the door had swung, making the girls look up at me. What hurt was that Evelyn didn't look guilty, she just looked curious as to why I was there.

I coughed, and she got off of her companion and looked to me. "Rowan," She simply stated. "This is Kate."

"I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll show myself out." I said bluntly, I couldn't make eye contact with either of the girls. I felt out of place, unwanted, unloved.

"Rowan, you don't have to." Evelyn replied, holding her door open.

"No I do, I was only coming to take you out for a bit, but I can see you are otherwise engaged. I'm not going anywhere; if you want you can come find me when you're done. If not, I'll see you soon." I said, before stalking off back to my dorm where I would probably just sit and think until I couldn't think anymore.

Halfway across the grass between our blocks, after I'd stormed away, Tarim caught my arm. He asked something about what was happening, with the plan for Evelyn's trip but I ignored him because I was angry and upset.

In all fairness, Evelyn had done nothing wrong. We were friends, she could hook up with whoever she pleased and so could I. Unfortunately I only wanted her. She was so perfect and magnificent and beautiful. I wanted to frame her on my wall, no I wanted to hold her in my arms for an eternity, no I just wanted to see her every day and know she was mine.

I had no right to be angry. Meanwhile, I felt like I had been betrayed, replaced. Why did Evelyn need a girl for? If she wanted to touch or see the parts she just needed a mirror, she had them for herself. Why did she need anyone? She had me, if she'd just open her eyes.

I knew I was so wrong. I was just so frustrated.

I slammed my door shut and sat on my bed, and slowly I rocked back and forth. Everyone loves different people, I told myself. Every love is perfect, and every love has its place. If Evelyn wanted to fuck a girl, she could fuck a girl. I had no idea how it would work, because I'd never ventured into that side of pornhub.

Tarim barged through my door. He didn't knock. Then I hadn't either, so fair play to him.

"What the Hell? Where's Evelyn."

"With Kate." I said, her name coming out more spitefully than I had wanted. She was probably a perfectly nice girl. She was reasonably attractive and I bet she had a good sense of humour and a kind nature. I just resented her for getting to my Evelyn before I had.

"Who, the fuck, is Kate?" Tarim asked, closing the door. He wasn't angry; his voice was calming and kind of soothing. When you saw Tarim you expected him to be one of those guys who punched his friends as a hello and went out for fist fights on regular occasions. But Tarim wouldn't hurt a fly...or maybe he would if it pissed him off enough, but he wouldn't hurt a dog or a person or whatever.

"Some girl Evelyn had her legs round." I said, laying on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to cry but Tarim was there so I felt as though I couldn't.

"So inconsiderate," Tarim said. It sounded like sarcasm. "The second we arrange something nice for our friend, she gets a horny urge and grabs the first human she sees. You know once I walked in on her making out with some guy who didn't even go to our college."

"So she's a slut." I said, kind of teasingly.

"I don't think she's ever slept with any of them though."

For some oddly divine reason I felt a comfort to that. It wasn't much of a comfort, as so many people had tasted her lips, held her close and been a part of a magical moment with her, and I hadn't; but at least she still potentially had one thing left to discover.

"You like her?" Tarim asked.

"She's a good friend, wouldn't want to see her hurt." I said carefully. I barely knew Tarim, I wasn't about to start proclaiming my love for our mutual friend in one of our rare conversations. For all I knew, he'd laugh in my face and go and tell anyone who would listen.

It sounds childish, but it had happened before. The girl spat in my face and told me I would die alone. Albeit we were twelve, but still it hurt; mainly my pride.