Truth

19.Thoughts

I pulled my car into the parking space I used to always use. I didn't move for a while. I couldn't move. I was frozen in my seat. I took a cigarette from the packet in my glove box and lit it as it balanced between my teeth. I inhaled a really long and big breath, before getting out of the car and walking slowly towards Evelyn's dorm block. I needed to see her; I needed to ask her why she never came. I needed to smell her, hold her, and tell her I loved her.

When I got to the doors I passed some girls who'd been in my philosophy class. They didn't even notice me, nobody did. I needed to get that through my head, I needed to remember that I wasn't that memorable, and that in the grand scheme of things I was just a tiny bit of mud stuck on one of humanity's sneakers.

I knocked slowly on her door. She didn't answer so I knocked again, slightly harder. The door just opened a crack, so I went in, closing it behind me. I don't know why I went in, I just wanted to be in there again. Some of her shorts were thrown on the ground, and several bras were spilling out of her wardrobe. I tried not to look, so I walked over to the bookshelf and looked at all of her books. I remember trying to read the spines, work out if I'd read any myself. I hadn't. Not one.

As I scanned, one book stood out because it had no title. I pulled it out, and took it with me to sit on her bed. She could have walked in any minute, I should have been scared of being caught but I wasn't. The book was her diary; it had dates and then her thoughts. I could read her thoughts. So, I read her thoughts.