Truth

14.Four Days

It had been four days and I hadn't spoken to Evelyn since that morning. I spent most of my time in the library, catching up with assignments, and the rest going for drives with Tarim. I didn't like taking up too much of his time because he probably wanted to see Lucas.

In the evenings when Lucas had gone back to his dorm, Tarim would come to my room and we would talk. We shared things that we liked and didn't like. We spoke about things we wanted to do and people we liked and didn't like. Tarim was mad about wrestling and did all of the championships, usually he won and came away with a shit ton of trophies that he didn't want. He just put them in a box under his bed and left it at that. He liked action movies but not horrors; he liked music but hated musicals. He came from New York where his dad worked but always wanted to go to a West Coast college.

We sometimes talked about Evelyn. I asked how she was because he and Lucas often checked in on her. He said she was just going to class, reading and drinking, not much had changed there. I wanted her to be sad and miss me, but Tarim never said anything about that so I assumed she just didn't.

When I was alone I tried not to think about her too much. But the image of her never left my mind and it was slowly driving me insane. The distance wasn't helping me get over her; it was just making me sad. I started drinking to help me get to sleep or help me wake up. It made me think of Steven and wonder where he was, how he was, who he was with. It made me realise why dad had drunk himself mad when he'd been alive. Everything was sort of slotting into some kind of sense, but also it wasn't because I was going crazy. I wanted to see Evelyn but I was convinced she'd have someone new; a girl that beautiful doesn't wait around for guys like me.

It was a Saturday, the fifth day after I'd last seen Evelyn. My room was stifling me and I wanted to get out. So I got out of bed and dressed. I picked up my own car keys and my wallet before leaving my room and slamming shut the door. I didn't want to walk over to my car so I ran all the way to the parking lot. It wasn't tiring because I wasn't sprinting. There were a few early birds around, sat on the grass talking and laughing. It was still fairly warm, now that Christmas had gone. If I was still talking to Evelyn, I'm sure we'd have sat basking in the sun together. But that wasn't likely to happen anytime soon, I couldn't face rejection a second time around. The first one had hurt enough.

I got into my car and revved the engine before pushing my foot down sharply on the accelerator. I kept my foot on the speed, pushing and racing out of the lot and down the highway. I kept driving, not sure where I was going, dying to see her again. I missed the way she smelt, the way she felt and tasted. I missed the way she spoke, the way she laughed and the way she could make my day with one sentence. I missed the way she looked at me and the way she hugged me. I missed the way she told me things about her without meaning to and finding out something new about her. I wanted to see her again, to have a little piece of her back.

I pulled into a station and launched my car vaguely into a parking space before walking into the shop. I wandered over to the liquor aisle where I picked up a bottle of gin, and another of whiskey. I didn't care about who made it or what the name was. I went up to the check out and asked for three packets of cigarettes. I don't know what I planned on doing with them. The cashier looked so fucking done with everything, her face was dead and she had deep frown lines even though she was probably only twenty. She didn't ask for ID, just said there was an offer on the liquor so I may as well go and grab two more bottles and got me five packs of cigarettes instead of three. She looked ready to pass out so I did as she said and got another bottle each of gin and whiskey.

After paying a fraction of the price on her machine she sent me on my way saying: "This place sucks and everything is overpriced. People are assholes; you're in it for yourself. Have a nice day."