Truth

12.Love

I slowly brushed my fingers through her hair until it was smooth in the palm of my hand. A slow beat was playing from her player, and I could feel her gently swaying whilst trying to keep her head mainly still. She was sat in front of me with her back to me, and my legs were open so she could get closer.

"Nobody has ever done my hair." Evelyn said quietly. "So you better do it good." She teased.

"My aunt used to make me plait her hair all the time." I said. "She couldn't do it for herself because she said it was impossible when she couldn't see what she was doing, so she taught me and got me to do it."

"When was this?" She asked. I separated her hair into two sections, the top half and the bottom half.

"When I was around eight or nine, I'm not sure exactly when." I said. Taking the top half and splitting that into three like Ellen always said to, moving the left section over to the middle, then the right.

"When I was eight I tried stealing money out of a purse, but the woman caught me and hit me on the back of the thighs and I ran away." Evelyn said, giggling slightly. I took the new left section and moved it across whilst also picking up a small section from the left. I kept it loose and gentle because I was terrified of hurting her.

"Tell me more stories." I said, doing the same for the right side as I had for the left, continuing until there was no more loose hair left.

"I had a rabbit. He was called Eli and he peed on the rug at Christmas. I used to lie on the floor facing him and talk to him. We got him when I was three and he died when I was twelve. He lasted a while. He lived inside rather than outside. I was scared he might get cold." Evelyn said. I smiled gently as I finished what I was doing, and tied it up at the end.

"Tarim and Lucas are dating." Evelyn said, turning to face me. "Sorry, I had no right to tell you that, I've just been keeping it a secret all year and I just have been dying to tell someone. I'm terrible at secrets."

"It's okay." I said; I didn't know what else to say. It was not a shock; I just didn't suspect it either. I didn't think she needed to apologise and I didn't think it was her secret to tell. Only what kind of life is it to hide your love for fear of judgment? What kind of society had to exist for its children to feel such shame?

She leant towards my ear slowly. "I'm drunk Rowan." Evelyn whispered. I laughed and patted her shoulder.

"Okay." I said, smiling and shaking my head at the floor. Evelyn was always drunk, it's not like it was a surprise for me. I still loved that she thought it was.

But then in a flash her lips were crashing against mine and all the fireworks in my body felt like they'd been set alight and were exploding in my stomach and my heart, my throat. The bed was against my back and I didn't remember falling onto it. One of my arms was around her waist and the other wasn't around her at all as my hand was just resting on the back of her neck. I kissed her back, obviously, even though I knew stopping her would hurt me less in the long run. I could hardly stop her - as Lucas said: I can't stop her, I just have to go with it, and I was quite happy to go with it.

It took me moments realise she'd pulled off her top and my trousers. I knew what she was hinting at, but did nothing to encourage it as I didn't want her to make a mistake. At the same time, I wanted her to make the mistake, God I wanted her to. I loved her.

"You're not taking advantage." Evelyn whispered as she pulled away slightly. "I want this."

She took off my shirt and her shorts and we were left looking at the other. I had no idea if it was Evelyn's first time, but it was mine. I knew what to do, what boy didn't? She pressed me back down to the bed, as I had been propped up on my elbows, and made out with me again. I felt like she was shedding light on the dark parts of me that had never seen light before; like a dozen flowers could now blossom through all of the cracks of everything, not only me; like nothing in the world was wrong anymore and we'd just solved the lot of it; like I was in love with her, because I was.

Fuck, I was.