Truth

11.Cramp

It was really cold, and around one in the morning. I couldn't sleep because I was getting a weird cramp in my foot that I couldn't quite describe. My curtains were being blown softly by the breeze that was coming through the tiny gap of the open window. I reached my tiny arms up and pulled it shut. It took a lot of effort and it made me tired. But I couldn't sleep. I had the weird cramp.

I think I was around six. I still had a blue bedroom, and Ellen wasn't round that often yet, so I think I was (six).

The hallway light was off, which was odd because it was usually on. I didn't think anything of it of course. I just got out of my bed like normal, and sort of waddled over to the bathroom. I shut the door and went to the toilet, hoping that would make me sleep better.

I didn't wash my hands because nobody was there to tell me that I had to. So I didn't see the reason to.

After this point, I wasn't sure whether to go back to bed or go into Steven's room and ask him what the cramp was. I stood in the doorway of the bathroom for a while trying to decide.

Steven had been in a bad mood that evening, so I didn't want to go in to see him if he'd just get mad at me. But then again I didn't want to lay awake all night because we were going out tomorrow and I didn't want to be tired because then dad would get frustrated and probably yell.

In the end, I went to Steven's door and opened the handle slowly. My plan was to check on him and decide from there. Normally when he was unhappy and sleeping he'd toss and turn and the duvet would - more often than not - end up on his floor.

However, when I opened the door he wasn't in his bed, and when I stepped inside and looked around, he wasn't in the room at all.

This confused me, so I walked out into the hallway. I made my way through to the living room, passing dad's study. The light was on and he was asleep in his armchair. There was a book collapsed on his stomach and he was snoring softly. His mouth was open and head thrown back. I could imagine Ellen telling him to shut his mouth, or he'd catch a fly.

Usually I would laugh. But my feet had the weird cramp, so I didn't really feel like laughing.

As I continued walking I found Steven. A part of me wished that I hadn't in fact found Steven. I thought I wanted to find Steven but I didn't.

He was on the sofa, with his eyes shut and his head slightly bowing. He had no trousers or boxers on and he was playing with his penis. Every now and then he made these weird sounds, like he was hitting something really hard - like a nail with a hammer - and the force caused him to make a sort of 'hmph' sound.

I didn't get what he was doing, but then I heard another noise coming from the kitchen. The doors to it were mostly slid shut but I could see through the slight gap if I stood in the right place.

Through the doors I could see Ellen. She had no clothes on except for what I thought was a belt, round her neck, and black cellotape across her nipples. She wasn't alone in the room either. There was a man, sat on a chair. He too had no clothes. His arms were behind him and tied together with rope. I didn't understand what they were doing.

Ellen went to sit on his lap, and his penis disappeared. I didn't know where it went. I felt uncomfortable, but also I didn't want to stop looking. I couldn't decide how I felt about the situation. I kept looking over at Steven and then back at Ellen and the strange man. I could feel myself needing the toilet again, and because I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay or go, I pulled down my trousers and just peed on the carpet there and then.

Once I'd finished I realised I didn't really want to stay here anymore, so I walked back to bed because my weird cramp had gone.