Burdens and Bulwarks (Tyler Joseph Fanfiction)

Chapter Eighteen

*TW: cigarettes*

*Scarlette's pov*

You'd think Christmas Eve would be a little less bleak than this one. I'm suppose to be filled with excitement for tomorrow, I'm suppose to be filled with joy and sunshine, but Christmas is just another day for me now-- then again, it could just be the smoke rising from the cigarette resting between my fingers, blocking my sight from seeing any hope at all.

It was never my intention be holding one of these in my hand, but my mom dropped one on her way upstairs two nights ago. I wasn't strong enough to halt the temptation that my brain wanted to occur. What can I say? My will power is about as strong as both my father and mother's... which isn't very strong at all.

The weather is the same as it's been for the past three weeks, same as my emotions, and the sky is filled with gray clouds. It is not raining or snowing yet, but it's suppose to later.

As I sit outside of my house, in the front yard, on top of the wooden railing of my porch, sitting with my legs overlapping one another, I let the ice cold breeze hit my skin. I let it go through my hair, I let it kiss my lips... I let them turn purple and then I put the cigarette up to them. I feel the sting as I blow the smoke out of my mouth.

For awhile, it's all I smell... the toxic air coming from my mouth and it takes me a moment to realize that another familiar scent is in the air as well. The scent makes me feel warm inside. I lift up the shoulder of the black sweater that I threw on earlier and hold it up to my nose; this is Tyler's sweater. He must have left it in my room the last time he was here, it still smells like him.

It's been four days since Tyler has actually talked to me as he has only texted me twice to ask how I was doing. It's been four days since I've seen him. I know that's such a small time span, but it feels like it's been forever. After all, that is how long it took me to fall for him.

"Scarlette?!" My mom calls me from inside of my house, behind me, where our window is opened, "what are you doing?!"

"Basking in the sunlight, mom." I state sarcastically, holding my hands in my lap in hopes it would prevent her from seeing the cigarette in my hand.

"There's no sun out there, just gray clouds." She responds in a confused voice.

"It's called sarcasm, mother." I roll my eyes, "do you need me for anything?"

"No, honey... Just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Okay..." I mumble. I hear the window close and put the cigarette back in between my lips.

Then I remember it. Seven years. "Shit." I whisper as I exhale the smoke. Seven years since the dad incident.

I jump off of the railing of my porch and start to walk back to my front door.

Honk. Honk.

I stop in my tracks, too cold to be startled.

"Hey!" A familiar voice calls out for me.

I turn around slowly... go ahead... take a guess as to who on earth it could ever be.

Tyler.

I cross my arms, tapping the back of my cigarette. "What." I yell back, a little bit harsher than I intended to.

Tyler stares at me from his car for a good thirty seconds before he turns his car off, I counted... it took my mind off of the tension, and then I see him climb out. He takes his time as he walks to me and I have to look down at my feet, stopping myself from admiring him too much.