That Friday night I drank. I drank almost a whole pack of beer and I downed a few shots of vodka.
I didn't stop drinking until I eventually passed out. I wanted to get drunk enough to tell Luke I love him. But I couldn't do it.
I'm mentally abusing myself by drinking my thoughts away. I wish I could get up and tell him I love him but I can't.
I need alcohol. I rely on alcohol to tell people things my sober self can't.
I relied on alcohol to make me forget about school. I relied on alcohol to make me get rid of my stress until I could forget all the things that caused it.
But I never told my lover I loved him. I just drank until I was so consumed by alcohol that I passed out and didn't wake up until twenty-four hours later.
But I didn't wake up in my bed that Saturday night. I woke up in a hospital bed with my lover crying in the chair next to me.
The person I love found me passed out only because I was trying to tell him I loved him.
When I looked over that night to see Luke sobbing with his face in his hands, I cried too.
He looked up when he heard my sobs, rushing to my side to remind me I'm okay.
And that's when I remembered I am here because of him.
I'm in this hospital because I can't tell him I love him.
But all I did was apologize. I apologized for being drunk. I apologized because I needed to say something besides I love you. I apologized because it was a step closer to what I wanted–what I needed to say to him.
I went back to my dorm Sunday morning and Luke didn't leave my side. He laid with me in my bed to make sure I was going to be okay and I wasn't going to drink my sorrows away.
And at that moment I was reminded why I loved him.
~*~
this felt so nice to write
also sorry for not updating in awhile,, I've had extreme writers block and didn't know what to do so if you wanna give me ur ideas I'll see what I can do
thanks for reading! :-)
