The Prince and His Servant

Chapter 5

What I saw was nowhere near what I expected. I didn't know whether I should have happy or upset. I quickly and silently put my violin and it's bow into it's leather case as I worried about the sight before me. What had I said? What had I done? There was nothing in my mind that could have brought on this situation, but apparently it didn't have to exist in my mind in order to exist in the real world.

As I looked back at Levi, his expression remained the same as it did when I finished my piece.

Placid.

There was nothing in his face to show that he was affected by the song I just performed before him. If the look on his face could speak for itself, I know it would say something about how it wouldn't have minded not hearing me play. Of course, what he actually said, in my opinion, was similar to what I assumed.

"I see old habits die hard, Your Highness. Or rather, in your case, don't die at all."

I was ready to cry right then. I couldn't believe what he'd just said. Did he really not care at all about the one piece that brought us together as children? Was he so uncaring that he wouldn't even mention the fact that what I just said was true in the first place?

I looked down, refusing to shed a tear as I let my shoulders relax and my arms fall. I felt defeated. It was like... Well... Alright, here's the best way to put it without it sounding like gibberish. You know that feeling when you like someone and you're sure they like you back because of the way they treat you? Well, imagine you confessing your love and they say that they hate you. Do you feel heartbroken? Played? Betrayed, somewhat? Yeah, that's what this is like.

Of course, I don't like Levi in a romantic sense. He's a servant, and man at that. It's kind of forbidden to love him, in a sense, but even if that weren't true, I still don't think I'd have a platonic interest in him.

But to feel like this, despite the fact that I don't love him or anything... it was surreal. I don't think I've ever felt so horrible in my life except once. That other time was when my parents died, but a grave reaction in that kind of situation is expected, opposed to something like this. It isn't normal to be so devastated over something to trivial, is it? I know that I shouldn't be so upset, but I can't really help it.

I was hoping that he would be happy to hear it, that he would remember the better days between us and smile, for once. I hoped that he and I could be friends instead of just servant and master, as it has been for many years now. I hoped that it would mean something to him... why did I have to be so utterly wrong?

"Your Highness, is there something wrong?"

I clenched my fist and gritted my teeth at his words. Why couldn't he tell that I was heartbroken? Why couldn't he tell that he was the cause of it? Why couldn't he tell that I just wanted him and I to be happy?

"You're shaking... what's the matter?"

I noticed that he was right. Despite how much I wished he was wrong, I was indeed quivering like a lost puppy out in the snow. I hated showing these kinds of emotions in front of others, especially someone I cared about, and yet here I was, doing just that. I wanted to shout at him, but I decided it best to not do so. It took every fiber of my being to speak without screaming out my immediate thoughts.

"Levi."

I had only muttered the word under my breath. I hadn't expected Levi to hear it, with how low the volume of my voice was, but the outcome was the opposite of my expectations.

"You can speak to me. That's a relief, honestly. Now, tell me, is there s-"

I didn't even let him finish his sentence.

"Get out of my study."

I growled the words like a dog threatens another. I wanted him out of my study so I could let my mind take over my mouth. I wanted to hurl my feelings at him, but I knew that would not only make me look like a fool, but it would also make me look weak. Though by that time, I believed the two were synonymous.

There was a bit of hesitation from Levi before I heard him speak again.

"...Your Highness...?"

He sounded confused. My first thought was 'Why the hell are you so confused? Can't you see what you've done to me?"  Of course, this wasn't said. Had it been, as aforementioned, I'd have looked like a fool.

"I said, Get out of my study."

I didn't make eye contact with him. I knew I would have tried to throw something at him if I did. It would be something light, of course. I wouldn't be trying to hurt the man. But I knew that I wouldn't have been too lenient.

"Wait, Eren, what did I-"

He used my name. He used my first name. I would have been fine with that, under normal circumstances. Hell, I would have been overjoyed! He never calls me by my first name. Not once have I ever heard him say that. But to have him say that now, of all times, was enraging. It seemed as if he was soiling the name my mother and father so kindly bestowed upon me at birth.

 "Nenn mich nicht so! Raus jetzt aus meinem Studienzimmer!"

There was silence. Of course, it was to be expected. I'd spoken to him in German rather than English. You see, although we were in Germany, my father took an extensive trip to America while he was still alive and brought the language back to the manor. He'd been so obsessed that everyone had to know how to speak it. Though everyone learned, only my family and Levi ever used it regularly. Levi and I used it the most. We kind of adopted it as our secret-but-not-so-secret language.

The only time we ever used German to communicate directly with each other was because we were angry or something like that. And, of course, now was one of those times.

I'd love to say that I could practically hear the sound of his heart breaking, because then it would mean that I was sure he felt something. Remorse or regret would have been nice, but alas, that was not the case. He was silent as he left the room, leaving me with a tea cart with cold tea and space to contemplate the asininity of my actions.