{2} never alone.

{5}

ITS SO SELFISH
I'M FEELING SORRY
FOR MYSELF
AND YOU'RE
THE DEAD ONE.
AND NOT DEAD
IN THE WAY
ONE SPEAKS OR DOESN'T
DEAD IN THE WAY
THAT YOUR HEART
DOESN'T BEAT ANYMORE
AND YOUR BREATH
DOESN'T BREATH
ANYMORE.
DEAD, NOT IN YOUR
EYES
BUT
IN EVERY
OTHER
WAY
POSSIBLE!
YOU
ARE
DEAD.
AND THERE'S
NOTHING
I CAN DO
ABOUT IT,
nothing...

***

it wasn't in that 'too good to be true'
sort of dead
he's gone,
D - E - A - D
and there's too many words
i wish i could have said
and too many times
i wish i could have remembered
i'm sorry, i'm so selfish
because you're the dead one
and i'm the dead one
but the difference is
you don't breath
and i just cry
i prayed that you're safe
but it's not the same without you here
it feels like punishment
even though i know it's not.
it feels like i died
not you
because you took this whole family with you
you took all our spirits
and now we're just empty.
YOU TOOK IT ALL
AWAY!
AND I TRY
TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE
THE SELFISH ONE
BUT IT'S ALWAYS MY
FAULT
AND NOW
WE CAN NEVER HAVE YOU BACK.
you're hurting us, dad.
you're hurting all of us.
and i know it's not your fault,
it's not anyone's fault.
it's just that...
we're all so empty now,
without you.
and i'm the one that's feeling like
we'll never be whole again
because we always thought we'd be with you.
we didn't expect you to leave
you're just gone
and even though they say the wounds will
heal and the pain will dull,
DULLING IS NOT ELIMINATING
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE IN PAIN
BECAUSE OF YOU, DADDY.
SO AS MUCH AS I LOVE BLAMING YOU
FOR EVERYTHING
IT'S NEVER GOING TO
BRING YOU BACK
and that means this pain will never go away
not until i leave them like you left us.
not until i meet Him
and feel my heart in my toes.
but i'll wait, daddy,
because you always said
that giving up
is the easy way out,
the cowardly way.
so i'll battle this pain, dad,
i'll live my life to the fullest
with the knowledge that i'm
doing it all
to see you again
and to feel my heart in my toes
when i finally get to meet Him.