did you love the feeling?
as i tried not to throw up.
it's not your fault, my love,
none of it is.
i'm terrified that i'm different
and that you don't make me happy.
i love hearing you being happy
and i refuse to believe
that never being happy
doesn't mean that someone is unhappy.
happiness is a choice.
it's like a little negativity
can ruin ones whole day
but if it didn't effect us at all
what is it good for?
you don't understand, lover,
you don't see what a mess i am.
ma'am was speaking in class
she was speaking about love,
she had the nerve to tell me
that i'm just infatuated with you, baby
said that i can't love unless i love myself.
but, baby, how can i love a stranger?
the mirror keeps repeating the same thing
and yet i still don't understand a thing.
what do i do, Lord?
i feel very strange,
i feel defiant and angry
but have no law to resist.
it's like i'm pulling at a ray of light
and i can never stop it from moving
because i'm too slow,
i'm too ugly,
i'm not enough.
is it true, Lord?
all these hisses stabbed into my earlobes?
i'm scared of the fork-tongued mouths
that lap at my calves.
they draw blood, Lord.
i crave you,
please,
what can i do
to be closer to you?
i'm all me, Lord,
i keep making the same mistake
over and over
and yet they still tell me you love me?
i'm so undeserving, Lord,
i'm sorry for all the unrighteous i've attempted
i know taking on this guilt and shame
is an insult to you.
i'm sorry, Lord,
i feel so fearful,
i feel fearful
but have nothing to fear.
what is this called, Lord?
why am i so scared,
so unsure,
so insecure?
you know,
you don't talk an awful lot, Lord,
i don't mean for my mouth to flow freely
i don't mean for a lot of things, Lord,
but you seem to understand a lot of things...
and i yearn to understand a lot of things.
Lord, are you listening?
i'm trying to pay you a compliment,
i thought maybe rather than singing it
i'd say it.
i wonder if you acknowledge all our praise
it gives me goosebumps whenever i think of it.
Lord?
Are you listening?
YOU ARE READING
{2} never alone.
Poetry"...we're hopelessly complicated and beautifully entwined, maybe we're ignorantly emancipated and selfishly try to prove it wrong..." lowercase intended.
