•Letters•

3.

((Warning: There is some triggering chapters, I wouldn't normally write chapters like I have but the way I wrote them went well with the song lyric.))

Dearest Luke,

Months have passed and so have the seasons, it's starting to get hotter. Summer is just around the corner, I've been cleaning out Noah's room. I went through his draws, you will not believe how much one kid can grow in a matter of months.

I started going through his wadrobe and getting rid of all his baby toys and the toys he doesn't play with anymore. You'll never guess what I found a diary, it had your drawing on the front and your handwriting.

It was full of secrets, locked up tight like Iron Mountain. It took me 3 days to pick the padlock and open it, I sat up all night reading it. I don't know what to say or what to even think about you anymore.

'I really like 2 girls, how do I tell them? How do I choose?'

I'll tell you how to choose, go for the second girl. You obviously don't care for the first girl as much.

I was in tears once again last night Lucas and on the phone to Skye, if I find out you ran off to go be with some slut I'll strangle you with my bare hands and no regrets.

I bottle it all up until I get ready to crack it and that's when Skye gets the raw end of it, crying myself to sleep is now a regular thing.

'Stay strong, your beautiful.' You said that to me every morning

You wrote little notes and left them everywhere, in the bathroom. Under my phone, cute little messages I received through out the day. I miss all of that, I get this feeling deep down in my stomach that I'm never going to move on.

Who wants to date a single mum who's a mess almost everyday?

Nobody, that's who.

My laugh, my smile. My real laugh and real smile is from Noah. My happiness is from Noah, my lack of sleep is partly from you and partly from Noah.

I think about you to much, I need to get you out of my mind. I love you but I need to get my life back. I'm still not working and I feel like a charity chase, Michael has been great but I don't like feeling hopeless and like a charity case.

I slipped up last week, I was close to 3 years clean. I stopped when I found out I was pregnant, you should know. You helped me.

The scars were finally faded and barely visible, you had to get right up to my arm to see them.

Now I'm back to wearing long sleeve shorts again.

I hate you Lucas

I miss you

Yours truly

Jasmine x