•Letters•

33.

Hey baby,

I keep playing all of these random moments in my head and they feel so Damn real, the most recent one that went through my head was we left the kids with Skye and Michael and we went to the movies and dinner.

It felt so real.

By the grace of God, please tell me I'm stuck in this nightmare. This horrible nightmare.

I dyed my hair the other day, well not all of it just the ends. Michael finally convinced me to do it, I now have blueish, greenish ends. It doesn't look to bad I'm suprised he did a decent job at it.

Things have been going my way for the past few weeks now, things have been looking up like someone is looking over me. I don't know it's hard to explain.

I um kinda got my first tattoo the other day, actually I got 3. They hurt like a bitch but it was worth all the pain.

I have the kids names and birthdates on each foot and on my wrist I got heart with a semi colon. The lady saw a few of my scars and she showed me her semi colon tattoo and a few of her faded scars.

It feels good that I'm not alone with this, I know there is lots of people out there who self harm and have it way worse than me but I have my reasons.

There is very few people who know the real reasons. I haven't done it for over a month now and I've started eating properly again.

I want everything to be back to normal again and I want this to be a horrible dream. They say life goes on no matter what happens but without you around, life seems to have come to a stop.

I need you here with me, beside me so we can lay down at the park at night watching the stars having the kids with us on either side.

I love you and I'll always love you

Goodbye baby
Jasmine xox