•Letters•

25.

Dear Jasmine and Noah,

So, Noah you would be at least 6 by now. Your getting big on me boy and I can't be there for you which makes me feel like a horrible person. Deep down I hope you know who I am and that I am apart of your life and your mum has been talking you about me but if she hasn't I understand that.

I think about you every night and it makes me cry about how much I've missed, your first words. Your first steps and it pains me. Breaks my heart, I'm sitting here crying while I write this.

It was not about me, I didn't do this for me and it's not about me. It's not about you guys either, I did what I did because it had to be done. It's not about any of you and it's not about me, that's a promise. I know you would never think of me doing anything like I did.

But it had to be done, I had to do it to protect you guys.

I'm still struggling to come to terms with what I did, really struggling. I won't tell you what I did because it will just make you more ashamed of me, I'm ashamed of me so I'm sure you guys are to.

Please don't go digging around for anything, don't go out spreading my name. I'm begging you, nobody needs to know my name or who I am or that your related to you. Theres people out there who done need to know.

I've been working on my drawing because I don't have much else to do and I've done one of you guys, it's not the best but I means a lot to me and it makes me feel close to you guys.

I don't know if you are musical or into writing music and songs. Playing instruments or if your uncles have been teaching you. It would make me happy if you were into that.

Jasmine, I cried all night last night. I couldn't deal with the bullshit anymore, ending it feels like my only option but I'm sticking around for you and Noah.

I love you guys, keep your heads high and don't let anybody get you down or hurt you.

Stay safe X

Lots of love,
Luke/dad x

-

Soon soon soon we will find out where he has been and what he has done.

On a side note heartbreak_hemmings I'm still waiting on my date ((I'm a pain, I know.))

Much love

~ Jodie x