•Letters•

4.

Luke,

So, today I called your phone. It was just what I expected, it went straight to voice mail. It gave the the tiniest bit of hope. Hope that you may still be alive, it's deep deep down.

Things for me have been going downhill majorly, I was in hospital last week for almost a whole week. Noah didn't leave my side, Michael tried to take him to his place but he held onto me tighter. I hated to see him like that, he cried because I was crying.

He slept next to me in the small hospital bed, I gave him the room he needed and he held that teddy bear close to his chest. The one you gave him when he was first born.

Mr. Snuggles, his favorite teddy. God for bid we leave him at home if we go out.

The nurses were great with him, they seemed to understand what was going on and they bought in food for him they played with him and even got him to have a shower. I'm running on empty, so out of gas.

The whole week I stayed in bed in the hospital I laid away thinking about finances, thinking about how I need to pay back Michael. How I was supposed to buy Noah's Christmas presents since it's only 2 months away.

Before I collapsed at home I was standing and staring at the cold piece of metal that was sitting on the shelf and how good it would feel against my skin and then my eyes shifted.

They shifted to my anti depressant pills, they haven't been helping me and I considered taking all if them so I could be out of pain and so they would put me out of my misery. Then in the back of my mind I heard Noah's little voice.

"I love you mummy, your my everything. I never want to leave you, I'm always going to be your little baby."

As soon as I heard that I collapsed and I lost it. The tears streamed down my cheeks and I held my side in pain, it was agony.

I had already taught Noah how to call for help, he found me on the floor an hour later passed out and he called for help. When I got help and woke up it was heart breaking.

Noah was screaming and crying, I saw Michael trying to calm him and then I saw your friend um Calum. I remembered his face from a few photos.

Oh man this is just great, my tears are now starting to stain the paper and smudge the ink.

Come home Luke, I need you. Your my rock, please. Let this little glimmer of hope I have deep down be true.

I need you to be alive, I need you to be okay.

I miss you more than words can explain.

Love from Jasmine x

-

Hey,

Oh man I started tearing up writing this chapter. It got me emotional

Let me know what you think
Love you xx

~Jodie x