Marian's POV
Why did I say yes? Why did I agree to have lunch with him when I could've said no and walk away? I was touching an open wound. Ako din ang masasaktan sa ginagawa kong 'to. I needed to forget him, to stop missing him... tapos ito siya ngayon, nasa harap ko. I didn't want to go back to square one after this.
"Marian..." He said.
I stopped playing with my spaghetti and was forced to look up at him. He was sitting on the opposite side of the table and I didn't think he even touched his food.
"Are you okay?" He asked in a concerned tone.
I forced a smile and nodded my head. I couldn't get any words out of my mouth. I could feel the awkwardness in the air, him and I, trying to search for the right words to say. I bowed my head down and focused on my food.
"Kamusta naman ang pagbubuntis mo? Nahihirapan ka ba?" Tanong niya ulit pagkaraan ang ilang minuto.
"Hindi naman. Bukod sa morning sickness, wala naman akong problema sa pagbubuntis." I answered.
"Have you talked to the doctor about it?" There was a hint of worry in his voice.
"Oo, sabi niya naman normal lang daw iyon, usually sa pagkatapos ng first trimester mawawala din iyon."
Tumango-tango siya. Something in his eyes shifted before he spoke again. "And what about the father? Alam mo na ba kung sino? Sinabi mo na ba sa kanya?"
"Alam ko kung sino ang ama ng pinagbubuntis ko." I said with a sigh. He's right in front of me. "Pero wala akong planong ipaalam sa kanya. He doesn't need to know. I just wanted a baby. I don't need him in my life or my baby's."
His brows furrowed but then his expression changed again, namilog ang mga mata niya. "You intentionally got yourself pregnant?"
"I... um, it was... I didn't think I would work..." I said, stuttering.
"You didn't think it would work?!" He let out a sarcastic laugh. "How could you be so careless and stupid?!"
Sumimangot ako. I took in a deep breath to calm my raging insides. "Kung inaya mo lang akong lumabas para insultuhin, aalis na lang ako. Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang ginawa ko. I never, ever regretted having this baby. Kung mababalik ko ang oras, I would do it again in a heartbeat."
Hindi pa napapanganak ang anak ko, hindi ko pa siya nahahawakan at nakikita minahal ko na siya. And for him, my baby's own father, to talk about my child like it was a mistake was heartbreaking.
I stood up, ready to leave when he held my hand before I could walk away. I looked at him with eyes narrowed in anger.
"I'm sorry." Mahinang sabi niya. He squuezed my hand. "I didn't mean to make you feel insulted or anything. I care about you, Marian, more than you know."
I could see the sincerity in his eyes as he looked at me. I sat back down again and my face softened. I suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach when he said those words. It was nice to know that he cares about me.
"You're my friend. And I just want to make sure that you're okay." Sabi niya. Of course, I was just his friend. "If you're happy with having that baby then I am happy for you too."
"Thank you." I forced a smile.
"Nandyan na ang bata, wala na tayong magagawa. I just wish you didn't do something as impulsive as that." He sighed as if defeated. "You could've waited. You could've given your baby a complete family with a father in it."
"I don't think that would ever happen. I'm just not lucky with men. I've been alone for so long, pagod na akong mag-isa."
"You're not alone. I told you, you have me."
