Seth's POV
I stood under the cold shower but it didn't seem to do anything to me. I felt hot... but not with passion. I was hot with anger. It surprised me how much restraint I was capable of because it took a lot not to punch the wall in front of me.
The frustration, the anger, the hurt... they were all bubbling up inside me.
How could she let another man touch her, screw her, and even come inside her? But with me, 'it wasn't right' and she 'couldn't do it'? Ano bang meron sa ibang lalaki na wala sa akin? Was it the way he held her, he kissed, or touched her, he whispered sweet nothings to her? Well where the fuck was he now when she needed her most?
Was he there when she had her head in the toilet bowl while she vomits her guts out? Was he there when she was being moody and cranky and emotional? Nandoon ba siya noong kinailangan niyang mamili ng mga gamit para sa bata o ayusin ang nursery room? Was he there to see the changes in her body or see the baby grow inside her?
Ako ang nandoon para kay Marian at sa bata. The love I had for the both of them was pure and unconditional. I wasn't expecting anything in return. But damn, she bruised my ego. Bakit hindi niya kayang ibigay ang sarili niya sa akin? Was I not good enough for her?
I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I put on a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. When I walked into the room, she was still on the bed. She turned her head to me and I looked away, avoiding her gaze. I didn't want her to see the hurt I knew I had in my eyes.
"I'm going out." I tried to sound as casual as I could.
She sat up. "Saan ka pupunta?"
"I'm going to get myself a drink." I shrugged, walking towards the door.
"Seth." She called in a low, sad tone that almost broke my heart. "Babalik ka pa ba?"
I took in a deep breath and exhaled in an attempt to ease the heaviness in my chest. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
Hindi ko sila kayang iwan. I was hurt but I couldn't leave Marian and the baby. I just needed to get away right now. I needed some time to think and cool down.
I hadn't been in a club for some weeks now. I was greeted by the blasting music as I walked in. That was what I liked about nightclubs. The music's so loud you can't hear yourself think, all you can do was feel every beat run through your body. The ambient light was low, much of it black light. Strobes burst and flash in time to the music.
I didn't want to think tonight. Not about Marian or what happened earlier. I went straight to the bar, got myself a strong drink and squeezed into the crowd of people dancing. It didn't take long for me to find a dance partner. A woman started dancing in front of me.
"Hi." She smiled with her red stained lips.
"Hey." I smiled back at her before taking another sip from my glass.
"You come here often?" She asked, a teasing glint in her eyes.
"Occasionally." I answered.
"Are you with someone?"
"No, I'm alone."
"Now, you're not." She giggled, wrapping her arms around my neck. We danced, grinding and teasing, with glasses of alcohols in our hands as we drank. This was what I needed right now. Just some mindless fun with some random girl to keep me from thinking about Marian. Her name was Daphney and that was all I knew and all I needed to know about her. After this night, we wouldn't be seeing each other again.
After a couple of drinks, we got touchy-feely on the dancefloor. I started rubbing my hands up and down the sides of her body. She started kissing me on the neck. Small, butterfly kisses. Her tongue glided across my neck and up to my jawline. Umakyat ang halik niya sa pisngi ko. She was kissing me on the corner of lips and when it was about to touch my lips, it was as if I had woke back into my senses. This all felt wrong. I flinched, pulling away from her.
"Seth?"
"I'm sorry." I shook my head.
"Bakit?" She tried to pull me back into her arms. Lalo akong napaurong palayo sa kanya.
"I'm... I'm married." I said.
She chuckled. "I don't care. We're just here to have fun." She tried to grab me. Umiwas ako.
"My wife's pregnant. We're having a baby and I... I shouldn't be doing this." I sighed. Marian wasn't my wife and the baby she was carrying wasn't mine. But why was I feeling guilty? I felt like I was cheating on her.
Marian's POV
Buong gabi kong hinintay si Seth. Sabi niya naman kasi babalik siya. It was already two in the morning. My eyelids were heavy and so was my heart. Hinaplos ko ang tiyan ko ng makaramdam ako ng mahinang sipa. I had been sitting next to the window for hours, waiting for Seth. The baby was probably starting to feel uncomfortable with me being in the same position for hours.
"Sandali na lang, Pio ha? Sigurado akong pauwi na ang daddy. Sabi niya babalik siya." I said as I stroke my belly. I often talk to my baby. Sabi nila nakakarinig na daw ang baby kahit nasa tiyan pa lang. Seth talks to the baby too, lalo na kapag matutulog na kami.
After a couple of minutes, I saw him parking his car on the driveway. Bumaba siya mula sa kotse niya at pumasok sa loob ng bahay. Sinalubong ko siya sa pinto. He smelled heavily of alcohol and a woman's perfume. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ng lapitan ko siya. May kasama siyang babae kanina?
"Why are you still awake?" Malamig ang tonong tanong niya.
"Hinihintay kita." I answered.
"You shouldn't have waited for me. Ano'ng oras na? Hindi ka dapat nagpupuyat."
"Saan ka galing?"
"I went out for a drink just like what I told you."
"Sino kasama mo?" Sinubukan kong pigilin ang selos sa boses ko.
"I'm tired, Marian. Bukas na tayo mag-usap." He said walking passed me.
Pumasok siya sa kwarto at sinundan ko siya sa loob. How could he? Pagkatapos ng nangyari kanina sa amin, naghanap na agad siya ng babae para tapusin ang nasimulan namin?
"No, I want to talk now." Mariin na sabi ko.
"And I don't. I told you I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep, okay?" He said, taking off his polo shirt. Dinampot niya ang unan mula sa kama at lumabas na. Iniwan niya akong mag-isa sa loob ng kwarto.
I took in a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. Wala naman akong karapatan masakit pero masakit talaga. Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa sakit.
Nang humiga ako sa kama hindi ko na napigilan ang maiyak. I could feel his absence. I could feel the coldness in bed because it was him who makes me feel warm. Seth was not there... He always sleeps on the left side...
A part of me regretted not giving in to what he (or what we both) wanted. Hindi pa talaga ako handa. I wasn't expecting it. My body said yes but my morality said no.
Another part of me was mad. Yun lang ba talaga ang mahalaga sa kanya? Sex? And when I couldn't give it to him, hinanap niya sa ibang babae? All in a span of one night. Wow. Sana man lang pinalipas niya muna ang gabing ito bago siya may ikinama na ibang babae. Siguro nga walang halaga sa kanya ang nangyari sa amin kanina. Those touch, those kisses, all those meant nothing to him. Isa lang ako sa mga babaeng nahawakan at nahalikan niya.
What was I expecting from Seth?
