Why Can't This Be Love (A7X/M Shadows Fan Fic)

Chapter Fourteen

I stare into the mirror at myself. I have been for at least 5 minutes straight. Matt was still asleep before I walked into the bathroom but I don't know if he still is.

My face looks more pale,eyes less colorful. They seem more dull,more...lifeless. Tomorrows Halloween and Matt and I are going to a party at Zackys house.

I'm not usually one for a party with a lot of people,especially since I feel so much more tired these days. Matt and I have decided to go as Alice and the Mad Hatter.

I have to go to the doctors the day after my birthday,to see how everything is doing,and to see if I need to go into surgery. I pray that I don't have to,but you never know.

Apparently to Matt I have gotten thinner too,which isn't a bad thing but Matt and Zacky tell me it doesn't look healthy. The doctor told me on the phone yesterday that if I have to go through with surgery I could either just remove the part of my breast that has the cancer,or my whole breast and I have no idea which one I want.

I'm gonna look deformed either way. I go back out into my room,and see that Matt is still sleeping,curled up under the blanket with his arm under the pillow.

I pull out an outfit,my Edward Scissor Hands t shirt and my jeans that were once tight on me,are now loose on me. I pray to God that Matt doesn't wake up as I stand in my underwear,I still feel WAY too self conscious about myself.

I'm glad he doesn't pressure me into letting him see me,or that he'll wait for me. Obviously one day I will let him see me,but not now. He tosses over,and my heart races for a minute as I zip up my pants,and throw on my t shirt.

His eyes open when I'm done,and I take a sigh of relief.

"Good morning sleeping beauty."I say sweetly,hugging myself.

"Good morning sweetheart." He replies in a tired raspy voice as he stretches,his hair all crazy.

I giggle,and walk over to the bed,sitting down next to him and pulling him into a hug. I rub his back,and kiss his cheek softly.

"I'd like to wake up like this more often." He says with a smirk and I lightly smack him,but smile as I stand up.

He frowns as he looks at me,and I raise my eyebrows,and feel a lump form in my throat.

"What's wrong?" I ask and he shrugs.

"You've gotten so skinny." He says to me and I roll my eyes and look away.

"Well it's not like I can help it." I say crossing my arms.

"Come on Stevie I know you don't eat as much as you used to. But I get part of it isn't your fault,but please just eat you've barley touched anything since you went out with the girls and then went to dinner. That was two and a half weeks ago." He says and I begin to bite my finger nail.

I want to eat,but every time I do I just feel so sick to my stomach,I even throw it up because I feel so sick when Matt isn't around. But when I turn to the mirror I can tell what he means.

My thighs have gotten much smaller,as have my stomach and my arms. Even my face,my cheekbones are out more as are my collar bones. I just don't know how the hell I could get so much skinnier in such little time.

  I look away,and walk out of the room,not saying another word to Matt as I head down to get coffee.

  As I stand there with the warm mug in my hands,my fingers wrapped tight around it I stare outside into the backyard.

  Matt comes up from behind me,and hugs me around my waist,kissing my neck.

  "I love you." He whispers in my ear,and I turn my head around.