Why Can't This Be Love (A7X/M Shadows Fan Fic)

Chapter Sixteen

My eyes slowly open,and pain instantly shoots through my whole body and I whimper,my heart beat rising on the monitor. The bright lights in the room hurt my eyes and I squint. Well now I know that I'm alive.

I survived surgery. I guess that's a good thing. I notice Matt,and when he wakes up and sees me he jumps out of his seat and rushes to me.

"Stevie your okay thank god!" He says and kisses my cheek,and pain shoots through me again,causing me to cry out.

"I'm sorry." He says,and backs up a bit and smiles at me,a tear going down his cheek.

"What's wrong?" I ask tiredly,my voice weak.

"I'm just glad your okay." He says and I smile a bit. God it seems like anything I do hurts.

"I never thought you'd be such a softy." I say and he chuckles a bit,and grabs my hand.

"When you went under anesthesia they made me wait out in the hallway with the others. Time has never gone so slow. Hearing that you made it through the surgery was one of the best feelings in my life. " He says and squeezes my hand.

The doctor walks in,a smile on his face.

"Oh good your awake. How are you feeling?" He asks as he stands at the end of the bed.

How does he think I feel? How am I supposed to feel? Because I feel pretty shitty. Should I lie or tell the truth? I guess I'll go with the truth.

"Weak. In pain. Tired." I say,pausing after every response.

Matt's expression saddens. Maybe I should've lied.

"Well that is to be expected." The doctor replies and I roll my eyes.

"I want to see myself. I want to see how I look. Take the bandages off." I blurt out in a demanding tone of voice. My heart beat going faster.

  "I don't know if that's the best idea Ms. Baker,I would wait a couple to a few more days." He says and anger floods me. But then I think for a second. Do I really want to see what I look like now.

  Do I want to know my new self? I wonder if they removed all of it or not. I told him to go with whatever he thought was best. I want to cry. I want to break down. But not with Matt next to me. I need to hold myself up,I need to stop having him pick up my pieces.

  "Alright I'll wait a couple days." I say and he nods. He tells me about my medication,how I'll go home in about a week. Which pills to take when. I zone out at times,thinking of how not only will I be practically bald now,but I'll only have one boob.

  The tubes in my arms are driving me crazy,and Matt can tell I'm frustrated. When the doctor leaves,Matt helps me take the pills I need to for now. I sit up,and I cry out. I wonder if it was actually worth it. Surviving the surgery I mean. But of course Matt would tell me it was.

He sits next to me on the bed,and reads my favorite book as a child, The Monster At The End Of This Book. I want to laugh so badly. I want to smile. But the pain,even with the medication is unbearable.

Matt stops at the end of the book,and makes me look in his eyes.

"The others will visit tomorrow. And I'll be here everyday. And every night for you. You know that right?" He asks and I nod. I grab my chest,to feel that it's flat. So they removed the whole thing.