Why Can't This Be Love (A7X/M Shadows Fan Fic)

Chapter Nineteen

We were doing really good. We didn't fight for a week straight. But now we're just being bitter again to each other. We haven't screamed at each other yet,or spent time apart,but we've gone a few hours without talking to each other.

Today is Christmas and we're going over to Jimmy's house. The guys want to start working on their new album,so tomorrow we're gonna all head to the studio.

I pull on my Van Halen t shirt and my black skinny jeans,and stuff my bra,my new routine. My hair has grown maybe an inch more. I still hate looking at it though.

I look over at Matt,and he looks over at me and our eyes lock with each other. But he looks away from me,and I feel my gut twist.

"You ready?" I ask after a couple minutes,and he nods and just before he heads out of the room I stop him.

"I love you Matt. You know that right?" I ask,putting my hand on his cheek,and he flashes me his dimple smile.

"Yeah. I love you too." He replies. But it hurts me a lot too say I don't know how truthful he's being.

I put on my jacket to hide my still visible cuts,and grab my car keys,tossing them over to Matt as we go out and jump into my car.

He turns on the radio,and of course it's Christmas music.

"Eww." I say,pressing the button to change the channel. I can't stand Christmas music.

I see out of the corner of my eye that he's smiling,and I just can't help but smile too.

We only say a few words to each other,and it's about Zacky and Emma's wedding. God do I miss having full conversations with him. It seems like those good times are slipping away. But I'm sure as shit not giving up right now. I love him and I need him.

   We pull up to Jimmy's house and I swing open the door,and get out of the car,not even waiting for Matt.

I don't even bother knocking on the door,and just let myself in. Everyones sitting on the couches,except for Brian whose laying on the floor with Pinkly.

The Christmas tree is in the corner of the living room,with bright red blue and green lights and ornaments and silver tinsel.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Jimmy shouts and jumps off the couch,running over to me as he picks me up into a hug.

"Merry Christmas Jimbo." I laugh and see Matt crack open a beer and sit next to my brother on the couch.

When Jimmy sets me down,I head into the kitchen to see a sheet of cookies on the stove and I smile,of course snatching one.

It's still warm too,and it's chocolate chip so the chocolate melts in my mouth. Emma comes up behind me and clears her throat.

"Emmmmaaaaa." I say happily and hug her.

  "Already getting into the cookies?" She laughs and I nod as I shove another one in my mouth.

  We go back out and I sit on the floor in front of Matt,and of course he pays no attention to me while I'm there.

  I sigh,and get back up to walk over into the kitchen. I sit down at the table with my head in my hands,and begin to close my eyes when I feel like someone's behind me.

  I turn around to see Zacky with his hands in his jean pockets.

  "What's wrong little sister?" He asks me and I shrug,making myself smile.

  "Nothing just tired." I say and he shakes his head.

  "No bullshit please,you can tell me. Is it Matt? You guys have seemed more distant." He says and I sigh and nod my head,and look into the living room at him laughing with Jimmy.