murderer - frerard

[012]

What the fuck was going on? The one time my mom is off work and actually makes dinner, Gerard, of all people, comes over? I thought for certain he'd stay away since Mom was home.

I stared at Gerard in shock for a little too long, because my mom stepped in front of me and pressed her fingertips to my temple. "Honey, are you alright?"

I nodded, swallowing hard and looking away from both people. Mom glanced back and forth between Gerard and me, and I guess she put two and two together, because her eyes widened and she broke out into a grin. "Wait," she pointed at me. "You didn't tell me you already knew the Ways!"

Of fucking course I didn't. Do I look like I want you to know this man almost killed me once?

I shrugged. "I guess I forgot." I shoved my hand into my pocket with far too much force. "You know, because I have so many friends, sometimes I forget to tell you about all of them."

Boy, was I feeling like a dick today.

"I don't know if I'd call us friends," Gerard piped up. "Frankie here gets a little pissy sometimes, as you can see." His hazel eyes narrowed at me, and I felt as if I was about to puke. My mom walked back over to the dining room and pretended to set the table, but I could tell she was listening intently.

"I'm not trying to be pissy," I shot back hotly. "I wasn't expecting you to be 'accompanying' us for dinner."

His hand flew to his chest and he groaned. "My bad! I'm so sorry for trying to be nice!"

"You know what? I'm not hungry. I hope you and Mom enjoy your meal. Maybe I'll talk to you when you're not being an asshole." I turned around quickly and ran up the stairs, my stomach churning. It scared me enough to know that my mom was downstairs alone with Gerard.

It wasn't that I didn't like him - I liked him one hell of a lot. That was, when he wasn't arguing with me over my personality. I didn't think I was acting pissy. In fact, if anyone was being a prick, it was totally Gerard. The thing was, he confused me. My brain just couldn't wrap itself around the boy - one minute, he was smiling and sitting harmlessly next to me in my kitchen, and the next, he was calling me out in front of my mother.

I guess I could see his side. I mean, maybe he was just trying to be nice to me and my mom, but the way I saw it, he had no fucking business in my house, talking to my one and only guardian, eating the food that she cooked. What did he expect? A normal conversation? Oh, I could imagine it vividly.

'Oh, yeah, we met when he was high and my little brother smacked him with cooking utensils!'

That would go over well.

I sat in the corner of my bedroom with my guitar for a really long time, strumming some tunes experimentally. I guess that was my style: experimental. That was how I approached life, not just music. I never really planned put anything, and even if I did, I never stuck to it, because honestly, what's the point? You can't really predict what's going to happen. I'd come to terms with the fact that I would never be able to control anything other than myself, and in certain situations, not even that.

Take Gerard for an example. When I was around him, everything was completely spontaneous and unexpected. I never thought he'd do half the things he did, but then again, who was I to talk? I couldn't imagine myself doing anything I ever did.

My thoughts were interrupted when my door clicked open and a certain person stepped into my room, shutting the door behind him and mumbling an insincere apology.

"Fuck you, man!" I let it all out. I knew it wouldn't help anything, and we'd been through it all before, but my brain kept telling me what to say and the words were shooting from my mouth and hanging heavily in the air. "I'm sick of the act! I'm so tired of the indecisiveness, Gerard! You're either my friend or you're not and I need to know, because one second you're spitting fire at me and the next everything cool and I can't handle it!"

What happened next was so unexpected I legitimately forgot to breathe for a moment. Gerard stepped forward and somehow he managed to cup my chin agressively and gently at the same time and as if that wasn't enough to throw me over the fucking edge, he had the balls to get right up in my face and speak to me. His skin was touching mine, but at the same time it wasn't.

His voice was quiet and dry. "I'm really fucking scared of you, if that's what you mean. And if you think I'm the one spitting fire, you need to look in a goddamned mirror, kid. Because I try to let my guard down when I'm around you. I really do. But it's really hard to trust you when you're always so damn rude, and it's even harder to decide whether or not I want to break your fucking jaw or kiss it."

My lungs felt like they were going to collapse. I could feel his breath fanning over my cheeks, and my lips were so fucking close to his, which made my insides twist up into a knot, because I didn't know how to feel. Everything was so surreal around Gerard.

I thought he was going to kiss me. Who am I kidding? I hoped he was going to kiss me. I could practically feel the vibrations of his lips when he talked and I wanted to be able to feel them when they were moving against mine in some sort of alternate universe. For a moment, I really thought Gerard was going to close the almost nonexistent gap between our lips.

I had hope.

False hope, of course, but hope nonetheless.

He let go of my chin. In my mind, he threw my face away from him as if he was disgusted with me, which he probably was and I knew I couldn't blame him, but everyone knows you can't just throw a chin, because that sounds really fucking ridiculous and not to mention the fact that it's impossible to throw someone's chin away from you. But I swear that's how it felt. He stood up and left the room, just as pissed off with me as I had been with him that day I'd told him to leave me alone and to not come back.

This time, it was his decision, not mine. I knew he was the one who didn't want to see me, not the other way around. Last time, it had been my harsh words that left him with a pout on his lips as he left my room, but not tonight. Tonight, Gerard left my room with his brows creased and his lips pursed together in a thin line. He wasn't desperate this time. He didn't have to come back, and I knew it.

I wished I'd kissed him when I had the chance.

hello it's me ! (d o n ' t) no one likes adele ok
but either way, here's a longer-ish chapter and i initially planned on it being like 500ish words but here we are at 1200 because it's late and im not supposed to be up and my brain thinks it's cool to write gay shit when it's late but whatever
lmao does anyone read these a/ns
if u do,, cool
guyysusysugus ya boy a coffee maker for christmas im so happy
goodbye